Florence

I've been on a day-trip to Florence! Not from the UK, obviously, but I happened to be in the vicinity and allowed a day off from eating parmesan cheese and frigging myself blind writing.

So, naturally, I thought I'd start with a picture of the cock of David, because that's the most postcarded thing in the city. Michelangelo would be proud, I'm sure :-)

It's a beautiful, beautiful city, crammed with ancient palaces and topped with red-tiled roofs just made for Assassin's Creed. The Duomo (cathedral) is also pretty photogenic. That's coloured marble in the facade, not paint, btw.

The inside is surprising bare, except for the interior of the dome, which is this VAST fresco of the Last Judgement and just has to be seen for its jaw-dropping violence and sadism.

Vivisection anyone?

Yes, that's people being rammed up the arse and cunt with burning stakes, for the sin of lust. (I have my personalised stake booked in advance, naturally.)

You can climb right up on top of the exterior of the dome for a fab view of the city. This is the point at which I realised why Brits fall in love with Italy.



Right next to the Duomo is the Baptistry, which boasts a stunning gilded mosaic all over the roof dome. Shiny!



"That's it - get out! Next stop the burning stake up the ass!"

We did go to the Uffizi Gallery and saw a whole load of Botticelli paintings, but you're not allowed to take photos in there . . . so here's the interior of the toilet door in the cafe where we had lunch:

Same idea as the Birth of Venus, really, just slightly different execution.

Okay, that's enough crude porn - let's have some more high culture!

Here's my Super Tourist Tip for you if you go to Florence. If you find yourself in a queue for anything (the Ufizzi or the Duomo for example), just look for the nice ladies with the clipboards and the uniforms. They will sell you a ticket for slightly less than double the usual entry fee, which will allow you to waltz straight past the queue. This will save you hours, literally. Just live with the guilt. I'm telling you, it's worth it.

:-)