Tuesday, 29 December 2015

2015 in the rear view mirror

They say that older you get, the faster time flees by. At this rate I'll be in 2017 by the end of next week! Yes, once more the Wheel of the Year has zipped around, flinging off cultural gems and turds at random. Just like last year, I'm going to take a moment to remember the highlights - all only my personal opinion, of course

Best Movie (cinema):

This was a really good year for lead and interesting female characters in movies, even though Star Wars: the Force Awakens didn't actually make my cut.


My top five in order:


Worst movie I watched: Sorry, but it has to be Fifty Shades of Grey...

Best Movie (DVD and download):

2015 was a year in which I made a special effort to watch horror movies that got no cinema release anywhere I could find. Some oddball and low-budget gems here, ranging from an MR James-meets--Lovecraft-nightmare...

The Borderlands

... to a japantastic YA dystopia with GIGANTIC MONSTERS!!!

Attack on Titan (live action)


Best TV:

Yes yes yes, I'm at least a year behind everyone else else. But without a doubt the boxed set that dominated my year was True Detective ... series one. God, that was awesome. Many many happy hours on the sofa!

Shame about series two, really. And you can say much the same about series one and two of Penny Dreadful.

Eva Green is WONDERFUL tho


Best Music:

A year of two halves. While I was going through a worried phase, I played Gary Numan's album Splinter over and over. It was a hand held in the dark.



Now that I'm more chilled, I have discovered Fall Out Boy's back-catalogue and they are great : -)



Best Book:



There are surprisingly few really good readable tree books out there - this one manages to combine both a strong practical knowledge of living and working in a wood and a solid grounding in biology, with tree history and lore and folklore and personal anecdotes. Beautifully evocative, yet (despite the misleading title) it is not in the least New-Agey. Thoroughly recommended.

Best Picture:




This year, a video. One I loved - because of the orangutan's clear demonstration of object permanence, and because its reaction was to laugh at the surprise. We are so close as species.

Sunday, 27 December 2015

"Sheer prurient bliss" - EftBB Best of 2015!


In a year in which I feel - very guiltily - I have been to some extent faking being an erotica writer (I've subbed as many horror stories as erotica) it is an absolute pleasure to be able to announce that the Libidinous Zombie collection made it onto the list I most covet - Erotica for the Big Brain's Best of 2015!
What a treat! And what a great trick, too; bringing together eight of some of the best—and best known— authors in the business for an anthology of erotic horror that is simply fucking brilliant; highly imaginative, consistently well-crafted, diversely colorful, scary, entertaining, sexy—oh so sexy!— and just plain fun. I suspect that Libidinous Zombie will become part of many readers’ annual Halloween tradition alongside Jack-o-lanterns, candy apples, recitations of Edgar Allen Poe, and a tour through the local haunted house.

Here how my own contribution is reviewed:
Janine Ashbless’ The Sorcerer’s Apprentice closes out the collection with an equally-scintillating story about a succubus; this one held captive by a well-heeled occultist. Needless to say, all kinds of horrifyingly orgasmic wackiness ensues when the master foolishly leaves his horny young assistant in charge for a week. Sheer prurient bliss!

Of course you should read the whole review and check out the rest of the Best of 2015 (which includes Richard Raiment's Aphrodite Overboard as featured here on Blue Monday) for your guaranteed reading pleasure!

Amazon US :: Amazon UK

Thursday, 24 December 2015

Happy Xmas everyone!



Well, I was so busy cleaning the house for Xmas that I totally failed to post anything yesterday. So now I'm just going to wrap things up (unlike my pile of presents, which have to be done THIS EVENING, crapcrapcrap, nearly forgot that...) by wishing all my blog readers a very happy holiday of your choice.

May you survive the visitations of your ghosts (and your relatives) and enjoy good health, good cheer, and good company this festive time!

lots of love
xxx
Janine

Monday, 21 December 2015

Blue Monday: Richard V Raiment guests

Every Monday I post a naughty excerpt for your entertainment!

Today's guest author is Richard V Raiment with an excerpt from his novel Aphrodite Overboard: the erotic memoirs of a Victorian lady - which only yesterday got named as one of Erotica for the Big Brain's "Best of 2015":  

"Few writers ever manage to hold so consistently to period-correct stylistic conventions through the entirety of a novel-length narrative, but Raiment here pulls off this amazing feat of literary legerdemain most elegantly without ever seeming stilted or forced. Simply Brilliant!"


 A feminine twist on an ancient male fantasy.

The year is 1791.  Reluctantly despatched to join her husband, Governor of a British colony, the Lady Susanna is cast away on a tropic island where, of course, white people have never been encountered before. Certainly blonde white women with blonde pubic curls have never been seen before, and this blonde is anything but ditzy.  In Chapter 3, of which this is the beginning, Lady Susanna’s suspicion of her future role in village life is deliciously confirmed...





Finding him now in my home and quite ignorant of what he might want of me, I waited for an explaining mime or gesture and suddenly noticed that his wife was present. She too smiled, though it seemed to me a little nervously.

Arshon, as I came to know him, coughed—quite unnecessarily—to gain my attention and then placed in my hands two objects. Both of these were figurines, one long and slender and freshly carved—it seemed to me—from white wood. I knew immediately that the body represented was mine, for though the bust was proportionately larger than my own, the hips proportionately wider, there was no mistaking the facial features or the delicately carved weight of flowing curls. The second figure was worn with age, cut from darker wood and clearly represented an infant. I do not think I’ve ever seen a sweeter object, nor felt such warmth emanate from one.
 

Had the chief come, then, to bring me gifts? I thought not, from his diffident and somewhat uncomfortable manner and posture. Summer and June were my guides again, June taking me by the hand and gently drawing me towards my bed, which had been re-laid in the centre of the room. Arshon’s wife approached me now, entirely naked and carrying her thong in her hand. A taut little smile on her lips she then lay down upon her back on my bed.
 

Summer, at hand, smiled gently at me and no-less gently reached down and under and touched me lightly twixt my legs, her gaze scarcely parting from my questioning eyes. And having touched me she moved the same hand slowly till it caressed the lips of the girl on the bed. A blessing, then, but different in posture?
 

Not sure how to begin I felt June and Summer’s hands upon my upper arms, gently coaxing me downward. Finding no other way I knelt, placing my knees either side of the recumbent girl’s head, lowering my vulva toward her face, arching back with the suddenness of her moist contact, her tongue upon my clitoris.
 

Seeing me almost fallen the two girls knelt beside me, cradling me between them, and the warrior’s princess between my legs continued her gentle lapping. Only then did I see that Arshon too was lowering himself to the ground. With no clothing to divest himself of, but his feather gone, and wearing but a different pattern—I seemed to think—of paint, I could plainly see his statuesque and enviable erection, watch in warm fascination as he slid it effortlessly into her, his wife.
 

And as he did her mouth closed on me, sighing, for I felt the rush of air around and within my parts, and all of me was now consumed by her, enveloped in her moistness. Between my thighs her head rocked slowly back and forth to the pattern of his gentle thrusting and between her lips her sweet tongue probed, now, thrusting wetly into me with a rhythm that matched his own.
 

What words have I to describe that feeling? The strangeness of having a woman there, not imparting as the others had the night before some fleeting kiss, but nuzzling and licking, tonguing and suckling, whilst I watched her husband’s very cock slide back and forth within her lovely slit, heard the wet sounds of their congress even as I heard and felt those on my cunny? Such a heat there came within me, such a fire of wanting in this strangeness, and yet I knew I must suppress it, that I could not appear to them the human that I was.
 

Supporting himself on his iron-sinewed arms, the living and beautiful mahogany carving that was Arshon’s face hung often close to mine, eyes closed, muscles tense with concentration, till at the last his face reached out to mine, his lips found my lips and he kissed me, deeply, long and sweetly, his tongue probing me, her tongue probing me, and both to the rhythm of his lovely pounding cock.
 

‘Twas her he was kissing, of course, and I was but their medium. I felt him coming even as she did, felt the gushing of him in the clenching moistness of the mouth that held me in her, in the arching of her body and the thudding of her face into my groin, and in a sudden inner gushing of my own.
 

As soon as he was come the girls drew me upward and away, and I watched as he subsided onto her, took her in his arms. I envied her so, and June and Summer, I know, saw it. Sweet Summer raised a hand before my face and showed me the carving of myself. As near as she could within the scale of it she kissed the figure on the groin, then opened her other hand to show the second, baby, figure. And somehow I understood. Arshon and his wife desired a baby, presumably had done so for a while, and offerings to other gods having been to no avail they had availed themselves of me. I was fertility.”



Buy Aphrodite Overboard at 

Amazon US :: Amazon UK

R V Raiment was born and educated in Yorkshire, Northern England, and now lives in Surrey.
 

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Sunday, 20 December 2015

Going down

We came into possession of a big and VERY dead wild cherry tree when we bought the wood. Because it was right on the highway and was a real hazard, it had to be removed ASAP.



It made a fine load of pre-seasoned firewood!


Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Chicks with chainsaws

Ice sculptor Anne Marie Taberdo


So I bought a chainsaw (about which, more later). And I bought a Stihl, because it's a good professional workhorse saw that's easy to start and maintain. Stihl are currently running this advert above in magazines like National Geographic, so they are clearly looking for broader female market.

Sadly, this message has not percolated down to all the licensed Stihl retail outlets. When I bought mine (in the Netherlands, to be fair) I was gifted a freebie calendar FULL of women using Stihl powertools, and let's just say they were largely not dressed to recommended Industry Health and Safety standards :-D

Nor were they working very hard

That's really not what you want to wear while trimming your hedge, missus...
WHERE ARE YOUR EAR DEFENDERS?
On the plus side, it was expensively produced and looked nice

I'm racking my brains to imagine a task that involves both a chainsaw and a tame cheetah
And actually some of the picture were pretty damn epic:




But this is the one I found most aspirational - I mean, who doesn't want to ride around on a grey Arab horse with a chainsaw holster on the saddle, for goodness' sake?



(And just to make it clear, I didn't take any offense. I thought it was just too funny to be offensive .... Also I will keep some of the pictures, ahem.)

Monday, 14 December 2015

Blue Monday special

Every Monday I post a naughty excerpt for your entertainment!

Today I'm giving you a sneaky preview glimpse of my work-in-progress, Falling Deep, which I aim to finish by the end of the year...

Liz has been taken to Glastonbury for a corset fitting:


“Is this a social call?”

“Lizzy here needs to be fitted for a corset. One that will please Yohan.”

I do, do I? Right. Liz had never worn a corset, unless one counted the cheap basque for that Rocky Horror party way back in college.

Madame Moone raised an eyebrow. “I see.”

“Nothing too uncomfortable,” Liz muttered. She’d never considered herself the least interested in women, but she was finding it hard not to look at Madame Moone’s dramatic dĂ©colletage. It drew the eye invitingly, as if just begging the viewer to plunge face down into that deep cleft.

“Shall we get some measurements?”

“Fine.” Somewhat ungraciously, Liz stripped down to T-shirt and skirt, staring determinedly at the shelves as Madame Moon stretched a cloth tape measure along and around various parts, noting down each assessment. Waist and hips, back length, underbust, boobs – even, disconcertingly, her throat. The whole process made her squirm inside, feeling as if she were being reduced to an object.

“Shall we go into the back room, and take a look at the different designs?” asked Madame Moone.

“Okay.”

“I’ll wait out here,” said Moira.

The back room was tucked away behind a red silk curtain. It was a little darker than the front parlor because there was only a round skylight overhead, leaded with a spider web pattern, to admit daylight. Sharp spotlight gleamed on the wares displayed. As soon as she stepped over the threshold, Liz realized that this was where the scent of leather emanated from. The undergarments in this chamber were of a completely different order to the flirty, lacey, feminine teasers out front. Everything was made of leather - stiff or supple, and almost all red or black. Corsets with laces yards long, studded gloves, high collars, even a full-length ballgown in supple midnight skin. A lot of cows died for that one, she thought.

And masks. Carnival style, mostly, but one on a wig-stand was a full-face hood with hooks around the mouth to lace it closed.

This is hardcore.

“The specialist stuff then,” she remarked wanly. She felt out of her depth. This was not something she’d ever really seen outside of a music video.

“We have a devoted clientele. Do you like leather?”

“Um … I’ve not really thought about it. I guess I’m vanilla or whatever you call it.”

Madam Moone smiled indulgently. “Have you worn a corset before?”

“Nope.”

“Well, how about we try some different corsets on you, so we can see which style suits you best? That way you can get used to how it feels, and give me some idea of comfort levels for lacing.”

“Fine, I guess.”

“Can you undress down to your bra and knickers, please?” She turned away and opened a drawer. “We’ll start with a long-line one I think.”

Liz opened her mouth, then found she didn’t have anything to say. Given what this was all in aid of, it seemed a bit pointless to be shy now. At least she’d put on matching undies this morning, for once. She laid her skirt and shirt over a rack and accepted the corset Madame Moone offered her – a chestnut one with decorative brass-colored hooks. “Wow - Brown?”

“Steampunk. It’s very popular at the moment. Now, if you slip it round like that … you do up the busk at the front first. Work from the center outward, it stops the clips popping … that’s right.” She pulled the snug sheath up into the correct position, wriggling it round over Liz’s hips. “Now I’ll lace it at the back. It’s a lot easier if you have someone to help you, for sure. With the laces … you work in toward the middle, from hips and shoulders, so that when it’s tightened you’re cinching the waist area. Straighten your back. Now, tell me if this is in any way uncomfortable.”

The cords made little purring noises as she pulled firmly upon them. She had strong hands, and Liz had to brace her feet to stop herself being unbalanced. It wasn’t uncomfortable, though the constriction around her lower ribs felt a little strange. She found herself taking shallow breaths, which made her bust heave.

“There you go,” said Madame Moone, laying hands on Liz’s bare shoulders and turning her to face a mirror. “What do you think?”

“Wow,” said Liz after a moment. The results were little short of spectacular. If she ignored her pale legs poking out below, it was definitely a sexy look. Her bosom was plumped up to become an astonishing spectacle, her waist emphasized, and her hips made to swell in a delightful curve. It made her feel terribly wicked.

“Now you need to keep your shoulders back, and your spine straight. Never droop. What do you think? Do you like it?”

Liz loved it. Which was helpful, as the next twenty minutes were spent trying out different permutations of hip- and bust-line, whilst remembering not to stare too much at the other woman’s cleavage as it flitted before her eyes. The longer corsets were definitely was more flattering, to Liz’s mind. There were fewer unsightly bulges that way. She liked the steampunk styling too, but Madame Moone shook her head.

“Yohan Ywen’s tastes are more conservative. Have you met him yet?”

“No. I’ve met several of his brothers though.” They exchanged a coyly conspiratorial smile. She knows, thought Liz. “What’s he like then?”

She shrugged, her curtain of hair flicking back over one shoulder. “Strict. You’ll get on best with him if you have a bit of a submissive streak.”

Liz grimaced. “That’s a shame. I’m more the bolshy sort – Moira will tell you that.”

Madame Moone began folding corsets away into boxes, as Liz spun to admire herself in a deliriously slutty scarlet number. “Is that so?”

“We’ve had a few vigorous disagreements.” Liz wandered over to a tall display and peered at the wares arrayed within. “What’s that?”

“That?” Madame Moone looked over her shoulder. “It’s a flogger. You can pick it up.”

Liz plucked the object from the rack. It was bright turquoise – the color was what had drawn her eye – and made of some sort of suede, both the stiff braided handle and the many narrow thongs. She felt it up and down. It looks gorgeous. And so soft! “Does it hurt?”

“That one won’t – it’s very light. It might sting a very little. Here - hold out your hand.”

Automatically Liz passed the little whip to the proffered grasp. Madam Moone didn’t smack it down on her open palm though, as she expected. She just trailed the soft thonging up and down the bare skin of Liz’s inner arm, making her burst into giggles. “That’s … quite nice!”

“The idea is to sensitize the body and make it responsive to all sorts of sensations.” Up and down, to her shoulder and back. The lashes slapped down lightly on her hand at last, with the tiniest of stings.
“It’s good for stimulating the breasts.”

“No!” she said, appalled and delighted.

“But your bottom is a lot tougher of course. Want to feel?”

Shaking her head at her own daring, Liz put her hands on the sideboard top and stuck her bum out with a cheeky wiggle. When she turned her head to the side she could see herself in the mirror, red corset and clashing pink panties, with the tall woman lifting her arm behind that rounded target. The first swish impacted like a thousand tiny kisses and she squeaked, “Oh!” The matching blow even up the compliment on her other cheek. “Ooh, that’s …”

“Of course,” interrupted Madame Moone, “it should really be applied to the bare arse for full effect.” So saying, she snagged the lacy cloth of the seat of Liz’ s knickers, pulling them right up into the bum-crease and baring her cheeks. The tug became quite firm – a wedgie of sorts. To Liz’s chagrin the drag of the cloth across her clit area sent a frisson through her from core to toes. And just as the thrill awoke in her flesh, the flogger descended sharply, the stinging tips going off like fireworks under her skin.

Damn right it didn’t hurt - at least, not in a bad way. The shock was enough to freeze Liz where she stood, though. She was still trying to wrap her head round whether she liked what was happening or not, when Madame Moone released her grip and stepped back. That was when Liz saw it, picked out by the pale light from above – either Madame Moone was smuggling a length of thick hose down her jodhpurs, or she was sporting a fat curved cock under the tight fabric

Friday, 11 December 2015

The holly and the ivy

Some pics from my new wood :-)

Week One, and one of the first things I did was plant some holly bushes along the road edge, in the hope of creating a bit of a privacy screen in future.

It's going to take some time ....
Twenty little bushes took me three whole hours of digging. It turns out the soil is mostly hard-packed flint - flint-and-chalk in the good places, and an exquisite mix of flint-and-clay in others - so I can safely say I will be keeping tree planting to a minimum in the future!

The other thing I had to deal with IMMEDIATELY was a tree that had fallen partially onto the road. We've had a series of gales recently.

FIX THIS BEFORE THE COUNCIL SEES IT, ASHBLESS!
Underneath all those leaves, what we had was a core of completely dead ash (?) girdled and weighted down by ivy:


Now, they tell you in arboricultural college and in tree books that ivy is not harmful to trees and doesn't kill them. I beg to differ. The ivy on this ash below is acting just like a strangler fig - there's literally no room for the tree to grow.

The Madeline tree ;-)
What's more, in winter the ivy in the canopy will act as a sail and catch the winter gales, increasing the chances of wind-throw - as happened to my dead stump above.

The answer is to collar the ivy, so that the top growth dies off.



 We've got to do this to every tree on the roadline. That'll keep us busy... :-)

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

SEXmas Slam!


YES! Thanks be to Zak, there will be one more round of Dirty Sexy Words  this year and it will be at my fave venue, the Sh! store in London!

Want to sex up your Xmas? Come and join us for an evening of hot words and cool refreshments, plus some last minute toy shopping if you need it ;-)

I'm looking forward to this!

Monday, 7 December 2015

Blue Monday: Jennifer Denys guests

Every Monday I post a naughty excerpt for your entertainment!

My guest author this week is Jennifer Denys with a preview of her seasonal treat Naughty Christmas Wishes - out this week!


How do four elves go into one fairy? Read this story to find out!

You should be careful what you wish for... Fay is a Christmas fairy who has been with the same family for many years and gets her kicks watching the mother and father have sex on the sofa—although she despairs about their lack of variety. But this year she is replaced by a shiny new angel.

Depressed at being discarded, and no-one with whom to spend Christmas, Fay goes to a paranormal bar on Christmas Eve and sees four handsome (and young!) elves who have just finished their duties for that year. She makes a wish they all ignore how old she is and is delighted when her wish gets granted. So she makes more wishes—naughty wicked ones!

Find out if they all come true!



Stepping forward, Fay reached toward Harvey’s outstretched hand, but was a little surprised when he didn’t tug her into his arms or push her onto the bed. Instead, he reverently bowed and kissed her fingers.

She felt like a princess and gave a naked curtsy, giggling as she did so. Harvey then sat on the edge of the bed and gently pulled her forward. When he patted his legs, she climbed atop him.

Before she got a chance to wonder what was going to happen next, he took her breasts in both hands and pressed them upward bending his head to take one of her nipples in his mouth.

“Oh dear Santa.”

Elliott came up behind her, whispering in her ear, “Is that good?”

Harvey’s tongue swirled around her nipple as it puckered to a hard, throbbing point. She reached up into his mass of white hair to hold his head. She wasn’t sure if it was to push him away or hold him there. “Yesssss.”

The others laughed behind her. But she didn’t have time to be self-conscious as Elliott pushed her hair aside and started nibbling her neck.

Oh, these guys know how to treat a girl.

Fay had rather forgotten there was anyone else in the room when King took command. “Okay, guys, enough playing around.”

This was just ‘playing’? Fay was panting so hard she was sure she’d explode any second.

“Lay back, Harve, so that our lovely fairy can kneel over you.”

She didn’t move for a moment, she just watched Harvey let go of her breasts with a sigh and did as he was instructed. She then felt a pat on her shoulder.

“Go on, gorgeous,” said King. “Lean over Harvey on your hands and knees and when Ringo stops wanking his already humongous cock and kneels on the bed in front of you, take him in your mouth.”

Fay had no problem going down on all fours. She was enjoying herself stroking Harvey’s silky white  hair when Ringo presented his enormous penis in her face, and she reared back. “Holy Christmas!” It was indeed, big.

Ringo chuckled and patted her head. “Come on, sweet cheeks. Just take what you can into your mouth. Don’t try and be greedy and gobble it all in.”

There’s no chance of me doing that!

Well, this was what she wanted so she went back down and wrapped her lips around the member horizontally facing her. She began to choke almost immediately, but then Harvey started fondling her breasts again, twiddling her nipples between his fingers and thumbs, and Fay began to relax.
However, she nearly laughed out loud when Ringo started singing, “Santa Claus is cummmming to town”.

She was trying so hard not to giggle that she jumped when someone started stroking her back, his fingers trailing down her spine where her wings attached. She did moan, though, never before realizing how sensual it is when a person caresses that part of your body. Fay fluttered her newly mended wings in appreciation.

When the stroking continued over her butt, caressing her trembling thighs, fondling her wet pussy, she wondered whether it was King or Elliott who had such wonderful hands. She soon found out.

“Since you’re doing such a good job with those hands of yours, Ellie, why don’t you enter Fay from there? I’ve got something I’m going to do right here.”

The big cock in her mouth stopped Fay from squealing with pleasure as she felt Elliott push into her pussy. He seemed to go on forever.

My word! That is sooo good. She felt full, but complete. It was a wonderful sensation and she closed her eyes in satisfaction.

“I think our Fay likes that, considering the look of ecstasy on her face,” declared King with a laugh. “And I don’t think it’s the taste of Ringo!”



If he thought she was in heaven, Fay went into another dimension when King crouched down by the bed to reach under her body and began fondling her clit. Her eyes opened in surprise and she pressed herself against his hand. He chuckled at her expression and started circling her now extremely sensitive, sexual organ.

As she started bucking up and down, her mouth moved involuntarily on Ringo’s cock and he gripped her hair in his hands, tangling it even more, as he thrust up into her mouth. It was very sexy having someone hold her head that way.

“That’s my girl. Don’t fight it. Go with the flow,” crooned King, as he started flicking her engorged clit causing lightning bolts to run through her body.

It was impossible to concentrate on what any one elf was doing to her with Elliott thrusting hard, King flicking wickedly, Ringo gripping firmly and Harvey squeezing her breasts that were now so heavy they felt like they were going to fall off. Meanwhile, Harvey’s rigid cock rubbed against her as she bucked. It all rolled into one huge, amazing, stunning, out-of-this-world feeling.

Despite the big cock in her mouth, Fay began to wail as her orgasm rose and her body shuddered uncontrollably. She desperately wanted to come, but she also didn’t want the wonderful sensations to end.

When Elliott starting plunging forcibly into her, Fay’s climax suddenly hit and she dropped Ringo out of her mouth with a scream of delight. Her body spasmed repeatedly until she finished, falling with repletion onto Harvey’s chest.

King pushed her hair to one side and smiled down at her. “So, my lovely girl. How was that?”

Fay struggled to sit up, feeling rather light-headed. Elliott, from behind her, wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her steady. “Easy now.”

She leaned back against him. Fay had to swallow a few times, her throat was so dry and her voice very croaky when she spoke. “It was absolutely fabulous! Thank you all so much.”

“You are welcome. But don’t think you are finished yet. You might have climaxed, but we haven’t. There’s so much more to do.”

More!

All Fay’s wishes had suddenly come true… It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.


Order Naughty Christmas Wishes at:
Available soon from Amazon US :: Amazon UK

Jennifer is a bestselling author in various genre (BDSM, contemporary, sci-fi, paranormal, with historical and fantasy in her works in progress) with several different publishers. An Englishwoman through and through, she lives in a beautiful historical city and is game to try most things once. She’s had a tattoo done on her calf, flew down zip wires 100 feet up in the trees, and was photographed
nude by a professional photographer. All of which have taken place since she turned 50!

Many of her experiences end up in her books… but you will have to read them to find out what!

Do contact Jennifer – she loves to hear from her fans. She posts to her blog three times a week and is on Facebook daily.


Email - jennifer.denys@yahoo.com



Friday, 4 December 2015

The wood be good

This is the year a dream of mine came true. We bought a wood!


It's not a big wood - less than 5 acres, which for you American readers out there makes it more an overgrown yard than a woodland, but it has a great mix of trees and there's plenty of work for me to do!


BIG wild cherries


Quite a lot of hazel coppice- I'm still deciding whether or not to restore it or let it grow.

This patch of larch is probably the best camping spot


I will have to learn some fungus identification...


And I want to know if we have a badger sett ... or just the biggest scariest rabbits this side of Efrafa:


A wood never looks its most exciting at this time of year, but rest assured I will now be boring the hell out of you with tree pics all year round ;-)


Wednesday, 2 December 2015

When I was 48 ...

Janine Ashbless: culture vulture 
Every year  on my birthday I look back - just to check that I haven't got old and stopped trying new things yet. So here, as I teeter on the far edge of my forties, is my latest log...

When I was 48, for the very first time ...

  • I started going grey!
  • I fulfilled a lifetime dream and I now OWN A SMALL WOODLAND! For my birthday I went out to saw my own trees for the first time ever and it was AWESOME :-)
  • I gave a Powerpoint presentation (it was at Eroticon 2015, where I also drank my way through a party tray of flavoured vodkas, and tried cupping, so it was a whole weekend of Firsts) 
  • I briefly owned a selfie-stick. I never used it.
  • I bought a she-wee. I have used it, with varying degrees of success (!)
  • I got spanked in public by Cara Sutra (and it was Facebooked!)


  • I had my first breast-cancer scare and my first mammogram. Thankfully, the results were negative, but for two weeks I was seriously focused on rearranging my life.
  • I started running. I stopped running ... :/
  • I bought a vape pipe. Two, in fact.
  • I had my DNA sequenced
  • I visited Germany (Munich, several times, because Mr Ashbless' employer was paying), Austria (Salzburg), Portugal (Lisbon), and quite a lot of Ethiopia.


  • I got a story into Best Horror of the Year!
  • I started getting Friend requests from weird blokes attempting to pull on Facebook. Somehow I'd managed to avoid it until now.
  • I took a cushion to the cinema because the seats hurt my back :-(
  • I saw AC/DC, the Foo Fighters and Fall Out Boy gig live. I liked FOB best, because they had the best sound set up by far. I mean Wow, you could actually hear the lyrics!


  • I took part in one of those Puzzle Rooms where you get locked in and have to Adventure Game your way out. WE FAILED.
  • I was granted a small coastal town in the amazing Map of Literature



Forty-eight was pretty amazing really. I have no idea what forty-nine will bring - and that's a good thing :-)

Monday, 30 November 2015

Blue Monday special - Ashbless reads poetry!


Coming Together: in Verse is out NOW!

Amazon US :: Amazon UK 

A collection of many many NSFW poems - some absolutely filthy, some romantic, some funny, some melancholy, some deep, some that rhyme and some that don't - this anthology is edited by the amazing performance poet Ashley Lister and raises money for Hope for Paws.

BUY IT FOR THE DOGGIES!

As an extra special treat (!) here's me reading out my poem: On Erotic Vocabulary.