Friday, 12 March 2010

Spam spam spam spam

This has nothing to do with anything, but I just wanted to share my spam with the world. Recently I've been receiving fewer enticing offers from French pharmaceutical companies ("Votre libido enorme!"); my inbox has instead been filled with hopeful mail from purveyors of fake designer watches. Bad targeting there, guys. I don't think that I have ever in my whole life noticed whether a bloke was even wearing a watch, never mind what type it was (I was probably too busy looking at his crotch  nice hair). So, like, what's the attraction of a fake Rolex?

Then all my questions were answered, as one of my spam slices came through helpfully entitled:  "You will look like Hollywood actor if you wear Swiss watches. Even if you have no money to take a taxi others will think that you forgot your wallet." This was just the title, mark you.

How endearingly optimistic! If you wear a big watch, people will respect you when you catch the bus.  If you take these diet supplements you will feel energetic and filled with life.  If your cock were only an inch longer, women would be queuing up to have sex with you.
Ah, if only life were really that simple.

The men in the kinky lace-up wetsuits, btw, are Nazi Kampfschwimmers, synchronising their Rolex-Panerai watches. Yeah, I bet they never had to worry that they'd look silly if they didn't take a taxi.


Jo said...

Wear a Rolex and no one will mind that you are a Nazi!!

Craig Sorensen said...

Spamity spam!!!

Yeah, I get the "Fake Rolex" offers, plus lots and lots of Viagra type drugs, make yourself bigger, and buying Canadian Rx drugs...

When I first saw Die Nazi Kampfscwimmern, having just read the title of your blog, Monty Python's "Gumbys" came to mind.

The guy furthest to the right does look kind of like Terry Gilliam, after all.

Janine Ashbless said...

Wear a Rolex and no one will mind that you are a Nazi!! One for the Rolex marketing department there, do you think? lol

You're right about the gilliam-alike, Craig. Wooooh - spooky! Now I am convinced they are about to slap each other with large fish.

Madeline Moore said...

And then there's Flavor Flav, with the giant watch hanging from a chain around his neck.

Talk about being weighed down by time.

I hope those Nazis don't get their arms chopped off by robbers who can't tell the difference between a real and a fake Rolex. (not.)