Tomb raider

One of the things we did on my recent flit around Europe, was pay our respect to the Etruscans. The first major civilization on the Italian penninsula, they were rivals of - and eventually eclipsed, conquered and assimilated by - Rome. They left a lot of tombs behind, though. The ones at Tarquinia are particularly famous for their, um, lively depictions of ancient practices. Heh. They were decadent, wealthy, fabulously artistic (especially when it came to gold-working) and lived for pleasure, it is said. They dominated the area that is now Tuscany - which is where it got its name.

The thing that really drove the Romans and Greeks nuts was the behaviour of Etruscan women, who partipated freely and enthusiastically in public life alongside their menfolk, and seem from the archaeological evidence to have enjoyed high status and regard. An apoplectic Greek historian reported that "these take great care of their bodies and exercise naked, often along with men ... They sit down to table not beside their own husbands but beside any of the guests, and they even drink to the health of anyone they please! Moreover they are great winebibbers and very beautiful to behold. The Tyrrhenians bring up together all those children that are born to them, heedless of who their father may be ... There is no shame for a Tyrrhenian to be seen committing a sexual act in public." They also practiced enthusiastic bisexuality and manscaping of body-hair :-)

Etruscan funerary sculpture extols the joys of married life (these two not my pics):

This is what the mighty hilltop city of Tarquinia (founded 10th Century BCE, pop 100,000) looks like nowadays:

You can find it northwest of Rome, near the coast. The necropolis is on a hill outside the city. The tombs consist of sloping passages cut into the rock, at the bottom of which are carved-out chambers. The richest ones are painted with scenes of daily life - people rocking out...

... blond hunks lolling on their couches -

and mythological scenarios, mostly to do with the journey into the underworld. THIS is one demigoddess I have to write a story about sometime. Just wait!

You can probably make out that the paintings are pretty degraded - the most fragile have been removed to the (excellent) local museum. Those that remain are protected behind perspex doors from the 100 % humidity lurking at the bottom of the graveshafts (the walls are running with condensation), so please forgive the less than brilliant photography.

 We found more Etruscan remains further north, later. This is a Via Cave -  a road that has been cut into the soft tuff rock. A network of these connected the towns and necropli (I love that word!) of the Tuscany plateau.

After Tarquinia, we went to Cerveteri, which is practically on the outskirts of Rome nowadays. No doubt this accounts for the fact that it is practically unvisited and unheard of - in any other country it'd be FAMOUS. It's a huge necropolis - 50,000 people were buried there in what is literally a City of the Dead. There are streets of terraced "housing" for the departed:

 and huge mound tombs carved from the living rock:

Inside, the tombs usually have the same layout as domestic dwellings.

Some slabs even come complete with carved bed-linen!

It reminded me a lot of Highgate Cemetery in London, except hot. We spent hours exploring tombs and dark tunnels. And I couldn't stop imagining what a fabulous setting it'd make for an all-night undead-hunting LARP adventure . . .  *geeky blush*.

Tarquinia and Cerveteri are both UNESCO World Heritage Sites.

Eyecandy Monday: faster, higher, stronger, hotter

Federica Pellegrini and ... OMG ... boyfriend Filippo Magnini, both swimmers

When I was watching the recording of the parade the Olympic opening ceremony, I found myself rather overwhelmed by the number of fit, beautiful young people the world has to offer! Luckily for the rest of us second-rate mortals, many of them just can't wait to get their kit off and let us admire the bodies of which they may be justly proud.

Victoria Pendleton, cycling

 Some do it to promote Fairtrade Coffee too ...

Louise Hazel, heptathlon

So here's a selection of my favourite Olympic Eyecandy, although you really want to be over at this website, where there are many more, displayed to better advantage.

Philips Idowu, triple jump

Maya Nakanishi, paralympic sprinter

Gregor Tait, swimmer

Carmelita Jeter, sprinter

Louis Smith, pommel horse gymnast

Ronda Rousey, judo

Danell Leyva, gymnastics

Anna Tunnicliffe, sailing

But I can't help having a special warm spot for Jessica Ennis, gold-medal heptathlon champion despite being only 5'5". She's just so cute!

Excerpt: Slave of the Lamp

E-anthology Underworlds: tales of paranormal lust is now out from Mischief Books. It's only £0.99! Here's the author lineup:

Heavenly Shades - Charlotte Stein
Slave of the Lamp - Janine Ashbless
Katie - Angela Caperton
Sleepwalker's Secret - Rose de Fer
They Come at Night - Elizabeth Coldwell
Period Drama - Lara Lancey
The Ursa Legacy - Anne Tourney
Riding the Ghost Train - Chrissie Bentley
Fancy a F**k? - Lisette Ashton
The Hunt - Penelope Hildern

My story, Slave of the Lamp, is all about werewolves.
No, I'm shitting you ... it's about a genie, of course! - he's prisoner/slave of the Queen of Sheba and he's NOT AT ALL HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Especially when Queen Bilqis comes up with a shocking use for his magical powers. There's gender-bending, pervy sex, and extremely dubious consent in this tale ...

And here's an excerpt:

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She summons me forth once more. This time I am indoors, and cannot grow to my full height. I rein myself in before I smash through the carved cedar beams of the roof.

There is a squealing and a shrieking, a flurry of panic at my arrival. I look down and see the room is full of women. It makes me grin to see them shrink away and cover their faces - though several are peeking through the slits of their fingers, and that makes me grin too. I have arrived clothed, because Bilqis commands me thus, but my silken trousers do not fully disguise the extent of my exuberance. They are all young and lovely; their breasts bare and firm, their shapely thighs and rounded bottoms a field of delight that my rampant share urges me to plough. In Solomon's palace, I would assume that this is the apartment of his concubines. Here in Sheba, they must be the queen's handmaidens. It is clear they have not been expecting the arrival of any male, and their consternation is enchanting. I wish to rush in among them like a cockerel among a flock of hens.

'Djinni!'

I force my attention back to Bilqis, who kneels upon cushions in the middle of this fluttering crowd, with a slender maiden cradled in her arms. 'Mistress?'

She's dressed less formally today. I can see her ebony nipples through the damp and clinging gauze of her robe. I understand that the land of Sheba is considered punishingly hot by humans. 'Djinni,' says she, 'my slave here has been bitten by a viper. Can you heal her?'

The girl in her arms is twisting with pain, her dark skin grey now and glistening with sweat. I can see her injured foot, swollen to twice its natural size, propped upon a cushion.

'Pray to the God of Solomon, mistress,' I suggest sourly. 'Does He not promise to be merciful?'

'I have. And to Shams and Ilmaqah and Athtar, who rule this land. The gods do not answer me. So if it lies within your power, djinni, I command you to heal this maid.'

I briefly consider some way to twist her words, but my heart is not in it. I am too distracted by the perfumed, quivering throng of women. And the girl is pretty, for a human, or will be so when well. I twitch a single finger - mostly to show how easy this is for me - and the poison hisses out of her, issuing as faint green cloud from her open lips. Her leg reverts instantly to healthy flesh.

Everyone in the room utters a wahwahwah of wonder. Except Bilqis, who smiles and nods, and the girl, who sobs and buries her face in her queen's breasts.

'There, there,' says the monarch of all Sheba, both left and right of the Red Sea. 'You are fine. Not need to cry, my sweet one.' And my eyes widen as the maid pulls down the fine gauze of the queen's robe and sucks a big nipple into her mouth.

Bilqis closes her own eyes for a moment in pleasure, then opens them, meeting my gaze with a long, considering look. 'You did well, djinni,' she says. 'It pleases me to reward you.' With a couple of clicks of her fingers she jerks two of the women at the side of the chamber from their knees. 'You two: see to his pleasure.'

I'm taken aback, but far from dismayed. The young women are curvaceous of body and beautiful of face, and they advance toward me with rapidly rising and falling breasts, bright-eyed but gratifyingly nervous.

'It would help, djinni,' says the queen in a dry voice, 'if you were to assume the size of a mortal man.'

I comply, shrinking my towering form down from the ceiling, until I am only the size of a very large man. The two handmaidens kneel before me on the cushioned floor, and reach for my hidden weapon, wetting their lips as they tug at my clothes. They are eager to obey their queen, I note, approving.

'Do not hurt them, djinni,' Bilqis adds as an afterthought.

I bare my sharp teeth in a grin at her.

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Buy at Mischief Books (multiple formats) : Amazon UK : Amazon US (kindle format)

Remember, you don't need a Kindle to download kindle-format books.

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P.S: You'd be amazed at the amount of research that went into this short story. I even had to look up the distribution of snakes in the Middle East for that one line about the viper-bite!

Foreign affairs

My contributor copy of "Foreign Affairs," out now from Xcite Books :-)

So, I'm back from my Foreign Affairs - for the moment anyway - and I'm suntanned and all aglow (yay!) ... and half a stone heavier (boo!). I've been to six different countries. I have eaten a load of pizza. I have swum in the Mediterranean Sea and a lake and a sulphur spring. I have discovered that the Maned Wolf reeks of cannabis! I've driven under the Alps and the English Channel. I have stayed in a yurt and seen camels, though possibly not where you'd expect to find them ...

And now I'm back, with pictures of Tombs and Towers and Tesserae to show, and some exciting publishing news to reveal when it's confirmed. While I've been away, several anthologies including my short stories have come out, so I've got excerpts to post. Ayeeeeee ... how will I ever catch up?

Well, I'm going to start with this fab review of Named and Shamed over at the Erotica Readers and Writers Association - big thanks to Ashley Lister :-)

I can't find a permalink so here it is in full:

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"This is an awful lot of fun. I grew up in an era when I was supposed to go to bed with a fairy story and enjoy the fantastical tales of other worlds and the creatures that lived therein. Named and Shamed helped me recapture those fond memories but from the perspective of an adult who also enjoys the erotic titillation of characters exploring their hedonistic natures.


Written by the incredibly talented Janine Ashbless, illustrated by the stylish and talented John LaChatte, Named and Shamed is pitched as a ‘Dark and Dirty Fairy Tale’ and this succinctly describes the content.

The basic premise is that our heroine, Tansy, has stolen a manuscript relating to her studies into the magical worlds of mythical creatures. Tansy is a wonderful real-world heroine and her story in this magical world is an absolute delight.

From the vivid description, through to the strong characterisation, through to the plot that makes you want to stay awake into the early hours of the morning – Named and Shamed is one of the most fun reading experiences you will have this year.

Meet Tansy, follow her adventures, and look out for future Janine Ashbless titles."

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"Named and Shamed" spotted in Paddington Station by Kay Jaybee!

Roman' with Rae



The Ten-Pudding-Platter. That's right: TEN!



As you may have twigged, I'm on holiday at the moment. I've flown out to join friends in Italy ... and two of us are going to be going home the slow route - we're driving back to the UK! Frankly, given how much we're eating I really should be jogging the distance. But anyway, I'm taking a short break from the blog.
Back at the end of the month...ish. With pictures of tombs and who-knows-what else!
In the meantime you ought to be able to follow our trip over at Rae's Nomady.

Eyecandy Monday

Puss in Boots! Hee hee hee ... I'm just so witty ...

Here's another one:

I'm interviewed at Black Hippie Chick today, by the way. This is the last stop on the Named and Shamed tour!

Great Expectations

But meanwhile, at age 45, I went swimming in the Mediterranean this morning and I'm about to explore an Etruscan necropolis . . . so I can wait ;-)

Named and Shamed blog tour - day 9

These Red Riding Hood pictures are just getting ruder . . .

Running a bit late today - I'm up a hill, on a macbook/dongle, being pursued by wolves and with no idea where I'm sleeping tonight ... ;-)

Not that that would stop Tansy, heroine of Named and Shamed and, according to Para Posse: "the Xena of Adult Fairy Tales."


How cool is that, eh? You can read the whole review here - Para Posse really enjoyed the book!


"It's not just erotic. It's filthy. And in a non flowerly way. And this is what I've grown to love about Janine's voice." 

Thank you, Para Posse!

Eyecandy Monday

It's Day 7 of the Named and Shamed blog tour and I'm being interviewed over at Blood, Lust and Erotica. It's a fun interview - she describes N&S as "no holes barred" erotica, and she asks "If you were stranded on a desert island with four other people, fictional or real, who would they be and why?"

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Talking of blood, lust and erotica  ...  my vampires have not been forgotten! Red Grow the Roses has garnered a fantastic review by Kathleen Bradeen over at Erotica Revealed:

"I thought I was done with the whole vampire thing, but Janine Ashbless writes compelling stories that explore the essence of human nature, even among the fanged." 

Full review here. 
Erotica Revealed can be a hard audience to please. But she even liked the mosaic novel structure! 

Thank you Vampirique Dezire and Kathleen!

Soup for REAL MEN

[Is there an emoticon for sarcasm?]
... or, indeed, a soup for anyone who likes beer :-)

I can say "indeed" because I've been LARPing, btw. In fact it's more or less compulsory. I've been cooking my annual medivalishy feast, and I'm going to share the recipe for Beer and Cheese Soup that we served as the first course. I think it tastes great- hearty and creamy and moreish, but you do really have to like the taste of beer.

Be careful with the beer if you try this. It gives the dish a distinctly bitter aftertaste, so don't sling the whole bottle in without testing.

Ingredients:
(serves 6)
  

• Butter for frying.
• 1 Onion
• 2 Carrot
• 2 sticks Celery
• 3 cloves Garlic
• 1 Bay Leaf
• Stock - about a pint: vegetable or chicken.
• 1 can or bottle of real Beer (not lager) - I used about three quarters of a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale
• 1 lb Cheddar Cheese (this needs to be a good sharp cheese, none of your sliced crap)
• Whole Milk - about a mugful
• Salt and Pepper to taste
  
• 2 teaspoons Mustard - English or Dijon
• 2 teaspoons Worcester Sauce - I used a vegetarian version
• 3 tablespoons of Plain Flour

Method:

1. Chop and fry the onion, carrot and celery in the butter. Add the bay leaf. Cover and simmer until soft - about 15 minutes.
2. Meanwhile,  chop the garlic and grate the cheese.
3. Remove bay leaf, but retain. Add garlic and then flour, stir and cook for a couple of minutes - it'll make a thick lumpy paste.
4. Take off heat. Puree in a food processor.
5. Return to pan. Put the  bay leaf back in. Stirring, slowly add the milk, beer and stock, allowing the paste to absorb the liquid and become smooth.
6. Add mustard, worcester sauce, salt and pepper
7. Bring to the boil. Simmer 5 mins.
8. Remove bay leaf. You can throw it away this time!
9. Add the cheese, a handful at a time. When it's all melted in you're ready to serve.

Eat with good bread and butter.

Brian Froud

I've got an interview up at Satin's Bookish Corner today ("What's the biggest secret you have ever kept?") - The text colours are truly eye-watering even if my answers aren't.

And now I want to rave about Brian Froud! Most of the fairy artwork I admire comes from the Golden Age of Illustration - that's getting on for a hundred years ago now. But Brian Froud  (who was heavily influenced by Rackham et al) is still alive and kicking, and so are his goblins. He's the mastermind behind the visuals of The Dark Crystal movie:

And Labyrinth, which is still one of my favourite films ever:

His goblins can be charming, but there's a streak of anarchic black humour even to his cutsiness - he produced Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Book, which was entirely full of, well . . . squished fairy corpses.

His grotesques are weirdly convincing, as if drawn from life ...

And when he wants to do beautiful and sensual, oh boy can he do that!

And yet it still has an otherwordly and menacing undercurrent ...
From his books Faeries:

"And here we must make one thing very clear. The real faerie experience is very diffrent from the general view of faerie built up by clouds of sentimental fiction with legions of inevitable happily-ever-after endings ...Faerie is a world of dark enchantments, of captivating beauty, of enormous ugliness, of callous superficiality, of humour, mischief, joy and inspiration, of terror, laughter, love and tragedy. It is far richer than fiction would generally lead one to believe and, beyond that, it is a world to enter with extreme caution, for of all things that faeries resent the most it is curious humans blundering about their private domains like so many ill-mannered tourists. So go softly-where the rewards are enchanting, the dangers are real."

So I'll shut up and leave you with some pics that I find inspirational. And when I describe beautiful fairies in Named and Shamed, this is the sort of thing I'm thinking of.

Blog tour detour

I'm totally smug about finding this pic for today, because not only does it allude to fairy tales for my Named and Shamed tour, it also is pertinent (in a metaphorical way) to my petplay short story Being His Bitch, which appears in Bound by Lust (ed. Shanna Germain).

Let's link to that one first - I've been over at Teresa Noelle Robert's place talking about the inspiration for the setting of Being His Bitch - which was the first time I went to a fetish club. Find out what it was like for a newbie! With a pic of me in costume!

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As for Named and Shamed ... I'm starting to get some reviews, and they're good 'uns! Books, Books and More Books has one up today, and says:

"I give this book 4 out of 5 clouds and a chili pepper rating of 10.  I’m tempted to add a kink rating just for this book and would put this at 6 out of 5.  (and no that wasn’t a typo)."

And Jade: the International Erotic Art and Literature Magazine have given Named and Shamed a 5-star review:

Thank you, Mindy and Jade!

Eyecandy Monday

Ouchies! But beautiful! This has been a fantasy image in my head for some time. It makes me think of the cursed stays that the witch in Snow White used in an attempt to slay the heroine.

Meanwhile, it's the 4th day of my Named and Shamed blog tour, and I'm over at Kissing Velvet talking about naming characters - the power and the pitfalls.

"The E in E L Blakey: antiques bought and sold stood for Edmund, of all things. I didn't think anyone was called Edmund these days, but it suited him."