
I'm a writer of erotic fiction, mostly of a paranormal/fantasy bent. Welcome to my Blog! Adults only please ... you know the drill. All commenters welcome. All text copyright Janine Ashbless unless otherwise stated.
Friday, 30 May 2008
Vincent

Tuesday, 27 May 2008
Dark Enchantment listed on Amazon

- Transfer from laptop to PC. PC version now becomes prime.
- Spellcheck.
- Print. I'm one of those people who spot typos much easier on printed paper: on a screen they are invisible to me.
- Go through with a blue pen marking changes. Force myself to read slowly.
- Go through again. SLOWER.
- Make changes on PC version.
- Print.
- Reread.
- Send to editor.
- Panic.
Fingers crossed.
Saturday, 24 May 2008
"Beowulf and Grendel" - DVD review
I bought a copy of Beowulf and Grendel some time back, for obvious reasons, but put off watching because the public reviews were so poor and I didn't want to be disappointed. Then a friend of mine who doesn't know Gerard Butler from Adam happened to say, "Have you seen Beowulf and Grendel? It's really good but it's incredibly bleak."
So I watched it. And you know - it isn't half bad.The plot is the traditional one: weary old King Hrothgar, great hall, monster attacks the Danes at night, etc etc. The twists in this particular version are that they have tried their damnedest to make it look historically plausible - proper Viking architecture & boats, epileptic Irish priests bringing the Word of God to the heathen etc - and that sympathy rests firmly with Grendel. Who isn't a monster despite being described as a "troll" throughout: he's clearly a Neanderthal. So Beowulf finds that his enemy (who bears a very particular grudge against Hrothgar) is intelligent and not interested in fighting him. Which is a bit embarrassing for the poor hero...
Filming was done in Iceland in the teeth of terrible climactic conditions, and the landscape looks stunning in every scene*. I still can't believe they staged a baptism scene in that river without actually killing their actors. This isn't a Hollywood movie though, and it shows - the pace is slow and deliberate, there's no CGI and it is very downbeat in its message. The female roles are strong and well thought-out while remaining realistically grim.
Online complaints about the sound-quality turned out to be hugely exaggerated. In fact there
are only two major flaws. One is the accents; I can cope with Hrothgar sounding Scandinavian and Beowulf sounding Scottish but I cannot cope with a witch with a strong American accent. Why didn't they just coach everyone in a similar Danish accent?The second flaw was not really their fault: you can spot to the second the exact moment that their finances were whipped out from beneath them, in the last week of filming. It's the fight with Grendel's Mother (who is a monster), which is desperately downplayed but can't disguise the fact they were clean out of cash for her costume.
I enjoyed it and I'd happily watch it again. I think it comes across as an ambitious and very earnest endeavour that almost worked beautifully.
The DVD extras are plentiful and very good too - including a thoughtful interview with Butler about the themes of the film. God he's beautiful. Ahem. Sorry about that...
Oh, and there's a very tempting trailer for their award-winning companion documentry Wrath of Gods (a sort of Icelandic Lost in La Mancha) which details the horrors they went through during filming: blizzards, landslips, waist-deep mud, a director who appears to be a total nutter, a rapidly-closing Arctic winter, financial disaster, ships that could only float for 4 mins before sinking... and finishes with a clip of Butler talking to camera while stripping off his wetsuit. They certainly know their market!You need to release Wrath of Gods in the UK, guys!
* But they've started commercial whaling again so Iceland is off my holiday list.
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
Fantasy fantasies

Monday, 19 May 2008
"At Her Discretion"
So I was doing a websearch on Thomas Rowlandson (whose erotic/satirical cartoons I was intending to namedrop in a story) and I came across this great blog: At Her Discretion.The owner posts mostly pictures which are quirky, beautiful or weird, usually with historic or vintage interest and tangentally erotic. The commentary is witty. Also (s)he is a big Alan Moore fan, which is a sign of True Taste.
Friday, 16 May 2008
History Lesson

It's a wall-painting from a pre-Roman tomb in Italy. It's just a pity so many people have rubbed at the painting and made a mess of the details, but she's clearly got a mouthful of one guy and is taking it from behind from another. And at the same time she's getting a spanking from both.
Now that's culture.
It does look slightly painful, I admit - personally I couldn't cope with bending over like that for long. But it'd be worth a try!
The article on this picture is here at the Spanking Art Wiki.
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
"Amorous Woman" - book review
The cover of Amorous Woman, by Donna George Storey, suggests that it is aimed squarely at the undemanding end of the male market, but nothing could be further from the truth. If you’re feeling horny and impatient this is not the right book to pick up. Give it time and attention because it deserves it.
Amorous Woman is written as the (fictional) autobiography of an American woman – Lydia – who travels to Japan to become a foreign language teacher and tries desperately to immerse herself in and connect with Japanese society. She marries a local man and when the marriage fails she has a string of erotic adventures while she tries to work out just what the hell it is she does want. Enchanted by the attractive aspects of Japanese culture (the aesthetic, the fetishtic eye for detail), she just can’t cope with the bad bits (the self-denial, the squashing of individualism) and eventually returns to the US where she relates her story to two men, as the framing device of the book.
This is a clever, well-written, lyrical erotic novel about the exploration of a foreign culture. DGS does an amazingly good job of writing it as if it were one of those "true life" erotic memoirs. For example there are relatively few "set-piece" erotic scenes with a beginning, build-up and climax that you are meant to strum along to. There is a lot of sex, but it is diffuse as well as pervasive. Not all encounters end as you’d expect, and there are frustrations and disappointments and heartbreak as in real life. How many erotic novels do you know where, having got it on with the man she’s been lusting after for years, the protag says "Sorry, it’s my period," and they therefore DON’T have sex after all? The characters act like real people rather than erotic puppets, which is good or bad depending on the mood you’re in.
My tolerance for contemporary erotic memoirs is normally pretty low but this author managed to keep my interest to the end, with her skilful interweaving of modern Japan, with all its contradictions, with the personal journey of a restless soul. A really fascinating read.
Saturday, 10 May 2008
The Acceptable Vampire

My vampire Aronne doesn't look anything like Gerard Butler's version. He's a red-eyed albino who is not only a savage predator but a bona-fide saint. Set in modern Venice, The Blood of the Martyrs is a tale of dark and crazy Catholicism. I'll post an excerpt as we get nearer to publication.
In the meantime, ask yourself: how did Dracula get tan lines?

Wednesday, 7 May 2008
"Dark Enchantment" finished!
Well, that's it done - the first draft of my short story collection Dark Enchantment is now completed. It came in at 77,000 words - which is ever so slightly short for the new format paperbacks, I now discover, but that does give me freedom to add stuff on the re-write.The 11 stories are:
Dishonour - a fantasy set in the same world as Divine Torment
Pique Dame - a ghost story with a provincial opera company setting
Ruby Seeds - contemporary paranormal
And Their Flying Machines - steampunk
The Lady in the Green - set in Italy during the Dark Ages
Cold Hands: Warm Heart - an Edwardian ghost story
The Chimaera - contemporary paranormal set in Turkey
Scratch - historical paranormal, set in colonial America
The Red Thread - mythic Greece setting
Janissaries - fantasy
Darkling I Listen - fantasy
There's one gang-bang, one sado-masochistic F/m tale, one cuckolding story, one minotaur, three gods, two ghosts, two evil(?) spirits, three virgins - and three deaths but one Death. Oh ... and five romantic Happy Ever Afters (but only two unhappy endings: the others are not romantic).
Between now and July I need to correct and rewrite. Wish me luck.
Sunday, 4 May 2008
It's been a Dungeons and Dragons weekend...

... so for the last two days I've had zero physical exercise but have eaten my own body-weight in chocolate biscuits. Now I have a facial rash which will turn into a fine crop of zits tomorrow, a thumping headache, and have resorted to drinking prune juice to flush my system. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I have to eat while I game? Arrrrgh...
More gamer humour where this one came from at Genetic Anomaly.
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Excerpt: The House of Dust

Before and below us is a patch of red light, hanging in the darkness. I try to nod, but he still has a hold of my hair. He pulls me to my feet by it and leads me the rest of the way bent double in his wake, gasping, his fingers knotted in my locks. There is no chance of me falling now. He leads me onto an island of stone that floats in the void. It is pillared with painted columns and furnished with mounded cushions. The gate in the far wall is of red bronze with two leaves; barred on this side. I realise for the first time that the gates are not there to keep intruders out of the Underworld; they are there to bar the way from below. There is a figure between us and that door and my sickened heart clenches.
‘This is the Great Lady Inanna, Queen of Heaven,’ says Neti, pushing me forward onto my knees upon a rich rug. I am grateful just to be still for a moment.
‘She smells like a gutter slut,’ observes the Keeper of the Second Gate, who gives light to this place. He is tall and built like a warrior. His skin is scarlet and flames burn about his head where hair should be.
Neti laughs. ‘She seeks to pass the Second Gate while still living.’
‘Then she must surrender her earrings.’ He closes until he is standing right before me, his feet nearly touching my splayed knees. I look up mutely, in dismay. His eyes are crimson.
‘Must I?’ When we write, the word for ear is the same as that for mind.
‘The laws of the Underworld are perfect, Inanna. Do not question them.’
‘As you command,’ I say. He unhooks the heavy gold clusters from my ears and they turn to water in his palms and run away over his wrists. I bow my head.
I will do this, I tell myself, for the sake of Uruk, for the sake of my love; I will do whatever it takes. And Inanna is with me. I feel her move more strongly than ever in the heat in my blood, in the pulse that beats at my sex.
Thoughtfully, the Keeper of the Second Gate hooks his bare foot under my skirt. His foot nudges up against my mound and I gasp at the heat of his skin as he plays roughly with the folds below. He does not find me dry. ‘So the Lady Inanna is humbled before the Great Below,’ he rumbles.
‘Yes,’ I whisper.
‘Yes,’ gloats Neti. ‘Do with her as you wish. As I did.’
‘Do you suck cock, Queen of Heaven?’
‘Yes.’ I can’t keep my voice calm.
‘I would have you suck this, little queen.’ He opens his kilt. My eyes widen involuntarily: given his body size I should expect a daunting length and girth – but this is a monster. It lolls and drools like a drunk between his thighs. The gatekeeper takes hold of me and rubs my face in his groin, forcing me mouth-to-cock, marking me with the scent of his crotch. The scarlet bludgeon kicks eagerly against my jaw. His skin is hot – not so hot as to burn but uncomfortable on my tongue. It is all I can do to stretch my mouth around his turgid glans. I tongue the slit, tasting his readiness and finding it both smoky and sharp.
‘Good,’ he says, surprised. ‘You are well trained, for a queen.’
Rebellion kicks under my ribs and my eyes flash.
‘Thank him,’ instructs Neti dryly. ‘He has complimented you.’
I pull my lips from his cock, leaving sticky saliva trails. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper.
Laughing, the gatekeeper turns his back on me. ‘Stay,’ he orders, and I do not move as he goes to sit upon a mound of cushions. He spreads his knees, opening his kilt so that I can see his huge, ruddy erection. Lovingly he strokes it up and down, hefts his balls and preens himself. ‘Now come here.’
I gather myself.
‘On your knees.’
I flush. Nobody has ever treated me with such contempt. Not even Nergal has dared do that to me. He knows I am a goddess. And Inanna…
Inanna loves this. My vulva is soft and wet and swollen.
Hitching up my skirt I crawl slowly over to the Keeper of the Second Gate on my hands and knees and look up from between his splayed thighs. He pats my head and strokes my face.
‘Lick my cock.’
I lick the hot, throbbing column, kissing the pronounced underside ridge all the way to his juicy plum.
‘Lick my balls.’
I roll his stones with my tongue, sucking them into my mouth.
He sighs and leans back in the cushions. ‘Now lick my hole, Queen of Heaven.’
And I do it, pushing my face down between his spread cheeks to probe that deep hole until the root of my tongue burns and my mouth is filled with the tang of him. He likes that. He sighs and spreads himself for me, jacking his cock with one hand, pushing me deeper with the other. His scrotum has tightened to a mass of wrinkles. Then it becomes too much and he pulls me out and forces my mouth down over his cock-head so that he can stroke off with a last few jerks, filling my throat with a fiery liquor that burns me and explodes behind my eyes like a sunrise. I choke as I gulp it down. Released, I fall gasping against his thigh and he caresses me roughly.
‘You liked that, didn’t you? Who would have thought it? The Queen of Heaven likes to get dirty for me.’ He pushes his bare foot back between my thighs and rubs it back and forth in my wetness, even hooking his toe in my cunt. I wriggle and whimper upon him. ‘Like that too? You going to beg me for more?’
‘Please…’
Without warning he pushes me flat over on my back. The thick carpet cushions my bones if not my dignity: I stare as he stands over me and plants that same foot on my face. I can smell myself on his toes. I lick the salty skin.
‘Second Gate,’ he says as he pushes his big toe into my mouth and lets me suck it. From somewhere he has brought a red leather collar and leash such as one would use for a hunting dog: he stoops to knot it around my throat and then he drags me to my feet. I’m sick with frustration and physically reeling - his inhuman ejaculate has made me dizzier than the strongest beer. Then he pulls me over to the bronze Gate and knocks aside the bar.
Amazon.co.uk
Monday, 28 April 2008
Wii Wii Wii All The Way Home

Well, I might as well announce my retirement from writing now, because this weekend we bought a secondhand Wii.
I am incredibly crap at computer games normally. I do not have the ability possessed by, say, the average 5-year-old, to commit a flurry of key-presses to motor memory: I have to think consciously about every key.Nor do I have Mr Ashbless' persistance. I'm just too egotistical to cope with failure. If I haven't managed to get Lara to run up to the edge, jump, grab the ledge and climb up by the 3rd attempt, I just snarl "Stupid bloody game!" and go do something I am good at.
But the Wii has the advantage of using intuitive motor memories and natural movements. And I can actually do that! It's so cool! So I suspect I will be spending far too much time from now on boxing, playing tennis and ten-pin bowling.
Plus I bought a couple of games. (Both carefully selected as suitable for "Ages 3+") . Endless Ocean allows you to swim around a beautiful tropical sea and befriend fish, which is about the level of my actual socialising skills. Sea Monsters: a prehistoric adventure is similar but you get to be eaten by Lipurodons as well, so I'm gearing up to that one.
Publishing deadline? What deadline?
Friday, 25 April 2008
What's in a Name?

One of the thing's I've been doing is writing a database of the names I've used in my fiction. You just get to that point after a while. I'll be thinking "Right, this character is Victorian, posh and British - she looks like a Cassandra to me. Urm .... have I used Cassandra in a previous story?"
So I've been going through my back-catalogue, and recording which names have been used for actual characters and which have been mentioned only in passing (e.g. "This took place during the reign of King Edwin the Lascivious"). Some interesting results have cropped up:
Not counting Divine Torment and Burning Bright (where the names are all fantasy inventions), I have used 95 male names and 68 female names in my erotic fiction, suggesting the women are indulging in multiple sexual partners ...
But, if you are a named female in my fiction, you will almost certainly be involved in sex. Rather more men than women are named as background characters (e.g. soldiers, landowners, relatives) and don't get any nookie. Damn, the ratio is falling (Although Annnette and Kitten both strive nobly to skew the figures back...).
I've never written from an anonymous male point-of-view. I have written nameless female POV. On the other hand I've written sex with more un-named men ("the prince," "the sorcerer") from a female POV than un-named women ("the dryad") from a male POV.
Two names ("Alex" and "Emma"/"Emmer") appear in both male and female lists.
Three women (The Malia Shai/Myrna, Surya/Raihn and Kitten/Zoe) have multiple aliases.
I've written 2 priests, 2 saints, rather a lot of Lords and shedloads of soldiers.
My favourite male name so far is Arailt (Gaelic for Harold). My favourite female name is Allisandra (yes, she is posh!). I've got more 'A' names than any other single letter of the alphabet.
I still haven't used some names I like very much: Astrid, Gavin, Padraig, Killian ... so look out for them in future stories!
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
DVD review: Aetbaar
[Spoilers]I knew what I was getting into when I bought this: it's a John Abraham film where he plays a very bad Badboy indeed, and the movie has been panned by the critics.
Plot first: Ria (Bipasha Basu) is a carefree college girl with a very protective father, Ranveer (Amitabh Bachchan), who wants to be with her every possible moment. (Note that the glaring Freudian undertones are never addressed by the film but are painfully obvious to the British viewer who'll have an inbuilt mistrust of father-daughter intimacy.) She bumps into badboy biker Aryan (John Abraham) and he falls for her instantly. She soon returns his passion, since she is "listening to her heart" (or at least some bodily organ not known for rational judgment). Ranveer mistrusts Aryan, and finds out he has in fact killed his father. Ria accepts Aryan's story that his father was an alcoholic who murdered his mother, and refuses to ditch him. Ranveer does some digging, finds out that this was a pack of lies and sets Aryan up to demonstrate this to Ria. She dumps him, he tries to kill her, daddy saves the day.
Okay, so I bought this DVD because I think John Abraham is hot - and there he does not disappoint. He looks good whether wet with sweat, rainwater or blood. He is also pretty damn good in the role, switching between brooding rage, charm and suffering at the drop of a hat. Bipasha only gets one scene where she can do any proper acting, but otherwise looks beautiful. Amitabh does staunch, heroic and benevolent with his usual effectiveness.
The film isn't let down by its cast, but by the ham-fisted direction - which goes out of its way to excise any dramatic tension or ambiguity from the story. For example, there's a brothel scene early on that firmly establishes that Aryan isn't just a bit intense; he's madder than a burning box of ferrets. It would have been so much more effective if he could have charmed the viewer first, only later for his madness to be revealed. There's a scene where he's pursuing a woman with dangerous intent which could be quite dramatic - only the director reveals halfway through that it is all a set-up and Ranveer is in control of the situation. The suggestion that Aryan might have serious, erm, "anger management issues" due to a horrible childhood is swiftly knocked on the head as too nuanced: hell, he's just an evil psycho. And if you're in a Bollywood film and your mother disowns you, well then you know there's no hope for you!
Of course the ironic thing is that Ria falls for a possessive, intrusive, obsessive boyfriend precisely because he is her father writ larger and sexier.
I was also personally disappointed because more than any other Bollywood film I've watched, this one smacked of a US film remade with Indian actors. There was no real sense of any Indian-ness about it. The musical numbers were half-hearted. The street scenes looked like sets.
So, overall, not one to watch for its worth as a film, but on your own so you can enjoy the eye-candy in peace.