Show me yours

Open call. Go on, give it a go!

Wassup?

Just a catchup on what I've been doing this week...

• I've sent off a horror story
• I've started a fairy tale
• I've asked a publisher to sub one of my stories to a reprint antho
• I've been reading through stories for Lust in the Dust - there are some good ones already!
• I'm off tomorrow to the Yorkshire Romance Writers' meeting (Yahay! Cake!!!)

I'm not the the most focused writer in the world, so for me this is pretty damn productive...  😜

Homework

Lust in the Dust: call for submisssions!

I'm SO stoked!

I had the idea at a Smut by the Sea convention a couple of years back, and now at long last I'm going to be editing a short story anthology for Sexy Little Pages:  LUST IN THE DUST 💕💖💗

Here's the blurb:

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

Civilisation has fallen. Peace and plenty are ideals barely remembered. Everything we used to rely upon has crumbled away, and pleasure is something few can afford. Every joy has to be fought for. When all the trappings of a civilised life are taken away, all we can hope to truly call our own are our bodies and our hearts. In the ashes, we make alliances where we can, and find solace and humanity in unexpected places. And maybe even a little hope for the future…

I’m looking for tales of post-apocalyptic passion. Obviously this can mean Mad Max-style science fiction but I’m also open to stories with a contemporary, fantasy or historical setting – anywhere where civilisation and the rule of law has crashed and burned for any reason, throwing us all back onto our own resources. The aftermath of a terrible war, a zombie invasion, the claustrophobic confines of a bunker – these are all settings where human stories can be told, and where there is life there is sex! Go on, surprise me — and turn me on, of course.

Full details and submission links can he found on the Sexy Little Pages website. The call is open to all and I will be reading blind, so my choice won't be down to Big Names or who I'm friends with. Note that there are strict formatting rules (like anonymising the document) so PLEASE click through and read them carefully before submitting your manuscript!

The last editing gig I did was for Geek Love - you can read all about my commissioning style here.

The deadline is - rather appropriately - the 11th November. So what are you waiting for? 😍😍😍

The future of smut

Some of you might remember me way back on social media saying that I hoped to edit an anthology sometime soon. Well, it wasn't "soon" but it IS going to happen - I haz official dates!

I'm delighted to confirm that I'll be editing a new anthology of erotic fiction for Sexy Little Pages, and the call for submissions will go out on the 17th September and close on the 19th November 2018. I can't give away any more details yet, but it's going to be darkish and there will be lots of room for SF and Fantasy elements if that's your writing preference 😍 So writers, be ready!

This is the first volume I'll have edited since the collectors' limited edition Geek Love and I'm looking forward to it SO much! In line with new SLP processes (of which I totally approve), submissions will be read blind, so even if this is your first story you'll be judged on a parity with established authors.

If your typing fingers are already too itchy to sit still, SLP have just launched a call for submissions for the first in this current tranche of anthologies - Rule 34 Vol.2 , edited by Zak Jane Kier.You've time to write for both! Go you!

Game on!

I've been a bit quiet on the writing front for the last six months for various reasons. First there was the house-move (which took WAY more time and effort than I'd anticipated). Alongside that came a bunch of bad family stuff which had to be dealt with. But it's mostly done and dusted now. So am I ready to get back to writing smut?

No.

As of this week, my writing has taken a somewhat unexpected detour, as I have not one but TWO new projects to tackle, and neither of them are erotica! I will be writing a horror scenario for The Cthulhu Hack over the next month or so. And when I've done that I'm hopefully going to be involved in writing for a rebooted classic games system that's going to Kickstarter - more details when it's officially revealed and confirmed.

So I am going to be WAY busy! It'll be a big change from writing erotica and hopefully a chance to stretch my horror muscles.

Of course there are still things of smutty goodness gestating as we speak. I've got two stories coming to publication via Rose Caraway, one of which, Yan Tan Tethera Methera, is large and scary enough to blow just about anybody's mind - I'm very excited about that!

But forgive me, please, if I seem a little more distracted than usual. I'm going out into the dark and I may be some time...

OMG look at the size of that thing!

It's the paperback version of The Erotic Writer's Thesaurus and it's ENORMOUS!

And yes, I have a back-cover quote:

The Erotic Writer's Thesaurus

Okay, okay - despite all my protestations, this is me doing a book review.

The Erotic Writer's Thesaurus, a true labour of love* by Terrance Aldon Shaw, deserves to be the exception to my rule. 513 pages in PDF,  10,000 entries, countless cross-references (okay, I didn't count) and several pages of notes on such tangential topics as lists of gun-types, the strange modern dislike of the word "moist," and the difference between "demur" and "demure," as well as a beautiful little opening essay on the usage of the word "ass" - this is such a useful resource for anyone writing about sex or romance that it feels like a huge relief to have it at my electronic fingertips at last.

What it is not is just a list of filthy words, although GOD YES we all do occasionally need a synonym for "cock" at some point in our sex scenes. A sprawling range of um, relationship-related terms, covering everything from Mascara to Yawn is presented for our educational delight (and now that I have this book, hopefully I will never have to bash out such a clunky descriptor as "relationship-related" again!). It also functions as a dictionary, so you can look up the meaning of, say, "Irrumation" should you so desire, and includes nearly 2000 usage examples. Just browsing it is inspirational.

It rocks.

Some caveats: it is an idiosyncratic work in which the author's voice and opinions comes across strongly in the expanded notes and topics, take it as you like. Reader opinions may differ on, say, whether a particular word is derogatory, or biologically accurate. I'd always avoid describing an adult woman as a "girl," say, except within dialogue, but of course many people do that and intend no slight. Language is a living, mutable, constantly evolving thing and one of the skills an author must have is choosing the right words to convey not just meaning, but also nuance and character.

TAS is also American, and although there are many inclusions from different sources (Hindi, African-American, Portuguese, Yiddish, Elizabethan, etc - all helpfully flagged as such) and he's done his research, I noted in my uncorrected review copy some question-marks when it came to British slang (which have been fixed in the latest PDF).  That's probably inevitable in a single-author work, and to be honest it's probably all but impossible to write accurately in another culture's idiom. This book will hopefully help you flange it, though. (See!)

 The Erotic Writer's Thesaurus is the dog's bollocks 👍👍👍 and I will absolutely be buying it in paperback. It will become a well-thumbed treasure.

AMAZON US : AMAZON UK

The Online Version is on TAS's website

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* Love (n): adoration; affection; ardor; attachment; beyond admiration; caring; craving; devotion; Eros...

Dicewriting: not a review

I'm a roleplaying geek. I like dice. A lot.

I even have a gothic dice-tower to roll them down!

And what's more, I was present at the conception of this book:

Zak Jane Kier

Last year at Smut in the City: Leeds, Zak Jane Keir gave us a writing exercise where we each generated the ideas for a story using random rolls of an ordinary dice/die (a d6, as we like to say in RPG circles). It was an extremely successful workshop, and she was begged by several of us to write a whole book.


And now she has - you can buy it on Amazon!

The premise of Dicewriting for Erotica and Erotic Romance is straightforward; simple story outlines are generated by the dicerolls, but it's entirely up to your fervid imagination as a writer what that story looks like. I'm always going to tend to fantasy/paranormal for example, but you might not want to touch that with a 10-foot pole...

See what I did there?

Your mileage of course may vary, but randomised elements have always been very effective story triggers for me - our writing group, The Deadliners, used them all the time - because I naturally tend to approach plots as jigsaw puzzles, and this is a creative puzzle-solving exercise. So I can guarantee Zak's fab little book is going to get a lot of use!

Now all I want is a hardcore geek version which will allow me to roll my d10s 😉

Only three days?

History

Selfie

I've done it - I've officially hit "publish" on my first reverted novel! It's slowly clocking through the works and going up on Apple, B&N, Amazon ...  (fingers crossed)

It took me about six months of angst to get to this point, and then Lo And Behold it turns out to be WAY WAY EASIER than I'd ever imagined. All those earnest "how to" guides online make it sound like a huge technical undertaking, and it really isn't. If you've thought about self-publishing but never dared, be reassured - if I can do it, anyone can!

• You need a clean pared-down Word document. No contents page, no title page.
• You need a cover JPG, unless you are amazingly lazy and want to use a generic one.
• You need your bank details or paypal account, and tax reference number.
• You need an ITIN if you are not American, to stop distributors withholding 30% of your US royalties.

 You don't need to do your own digital conversion. You don't need to buy your own ISBN.

• Go on Draft 2 Digital and set up your account, with bio and author pic.
• Upload your cover, if you have one, or use one of theirs.
• Upload your .DOC and they convert it for you. Look through the preview. Choose from their array of fonts and styles.
• They make a .EPUB for you to publish.
• They make a .MOBI which you can take to Amazon
• They make a PDF which you can upload to paperback publishers.
• They provide links to free emulators so you can check these all look okay on various readers (phones, tablets, Macs).
• Then, when you're ready, pick a price and hit "publish".

• Repeat process with Kindle Direct for Amazon platforms. KDP is less user-friendly than easy-peasy D2D but it's not that bad, honestly.

Then wait...

UPDATE: D2D now publish through Amazon too, so you don't even have to go through the Kindle Direct process if you don't want.

You wouldn't believe me

So, the fabulous Sexy Librarian, Rose Caraway, is ramping up for the release of Dirty Thirty vol.2, which features my story Sweet Hel Below along with 29 other filthy gems.

"She is SO close to publication, I can taste it. In just a few days, The Sexy Librarian's Dirty 30, Vol.2 will be available on Kindle. Print is coming too, and, of course, so is the audiobook. There are many FIRSTS with this project that I seriously can't wait to reveal. This D30v2 has had more moving parts than any other project I've put together thus far. In all honesty, we aimed pretty high and, well, I think we hit a new sexy bullseye. #BookPrideMotherfuckers.


I can't wait to reveal my absolute favorite first. (There I go teasing again.) This is Stupid Fish Productions' very 1st Series!!! Which I hope to expand for as long as is possible. Yes, a new #CallForSubmissions is in the works, so stay tuned for that."

Rose's posting a series of guestspots by her authors, and after flattering the hell out of me ("She’s clever, she’s witty, and she’s an incredible storyteller who’s turned me on and even made me laugh a time or two") she asked me to give some very brief writing tips on building believable characters.

Which I, perversely, refused to do.

"Hold on… Why would I want to write “believable” erotica characters? Aren’t we in the business of giving people fantasies? Aren’t we trying to get them off? Who wants an erotic story where the guy comes too soon and leaves in embarrassment, or the heroine accidentally farts mid-anal? We’re looking for ideals when we go to read one-handed fiction, aren’t we?"

Sorry, Rose, lol!

Anyway, you can read my full attempt to wriggle out of my task over at the Stupid Fish blog. 😉

And I genuinely can't wait to see the collection - it's going to be AWESOME!

Wordcount

Looking for a forever home

I am, in fact. We started the house-hunting process a couple weeks back...

BUT what really amused me was this article in the New Yorker, which is both extremely funny and horribly close to the bone.

So I wrote an adoption advert for myself:

Meet Janine. This sprightly old lady still has a lot of life left in her, and a lot of love to give to the right person, though she can also be happily left alone for up to twelve hours a day. Her breed is basically nocturnal, so don't expect any early morning walkies! In fact she will not demand much exercise at all, though she has learned a few basic tricks such as eventually getting dressed and answering emails. Janine loves cuddles and food; her new best friend will have to keep a careful eye on her diet and not let her have too many treats. Janine does not socialise well with packs or new people and will do best where she is the only writer in the home. Would suit someone with strong PC helpdesk skills. She should be kept away from children of all ages.

Cleaning up your dirty bits

Jean-Leon Gerome: Femme Nue (1889)

I rarely post actual writing advice, because, like - what do I know? But here's my standard check-list for manuscript clean-up when I'm sending something in to editors.

NB: DOUBLE CHECK WHAT THE EDITOR ASKED FOR. Always follow instructions, even if they ask for everything in 8-point Comic Sans!

If no other guidance is available, this is what I do:

• Select the entire manuscript and choose a single font, size 12, double-spaced - I work across several laptops so my manuscripts end up a mess of Calibri and Ariel.
• Select entire manuscript and set the spellcheck language to US or UK English, depending on publisher.
• Single and double quote marks - to avoid a mix of curly quotes and straight quotes, for the same reason as above:  [Find ' and Replace with '   then Find " and Replace with "]
• Tabs - Editors HATE tabs. You should have an automatic indent set instead.  [Find ^t and Replace with nothing] Then check your manuscript to make sure you've not just got one HUGE paragraph now.
• Em dashes    [Find - (space hyphen space), Replace with em dash:  ctrl + alt + [minus on the number pad]. Do it again, searching for  -- (two hyphens)]
• Ellipses    [Find … (three periods) and Replace with ellipsis  (ctrl + alt + period)]
• Double spaces (between sentences or words)    [Find (space)(space) and Replace with (space) Important! Repeat this until 0 instances are found!]
• Trailing spaces at end of paragraph:    [Find (space)^p  and Replace with ^p]. Repeat until you get 0 results
• Extra spaces at start of paragraph text:    [Find ^p(space) and Replace with ^p] Repeat until you get 0 results.

This doesn't take long at all, once you get used to it.

Now you're ready to spell-check.

Revision notes

A glimpse here into my novel revision process... I've been writing myself a lot of notes! Usually after getting out of the shower (where much of my inspiration comes to me) muttering "Must write that down! Must write that down!"

Having completed the first draft, the next stage is to go through and make sure I've included everything I want to include (descriptors, emotions, foreshadowing) and check the logic of the plot flow. That means working backwards a lot of the time - I know for sure that Egan has to have a gun in scene X, so where did it come from? Is it the same as the one he had in scene M? But didn't he have that knocked out of his hand? So either he must have picked it up again (alteration) or it's a different one he got in scene T (alteration), but in the latter case then he wasn't using it to threaten someone in scene O, and if I take out that threat then how do I draw attention to the drawer he got the gun out of which happens to contain something else important?
... and so on.

Checking your plot backward (A happens because B has happened because C happened etc) is one of the best writing tips I've heard. It shows up plot holes SOOOOO well.

It Is Finished

Franz Von Stuck; Lucifer (1890)

On 30th March I wrote THE END on the first draft of The Prison of the Angels.

And I felt absolutely miserable.

It's an occupational hazard, I suppose. I've spent four years, on and off, writing this trilogy, and I've never invested so much time and care in a particular set of characters. I adore Milja - I think she's brave and clever and complicated and she deserves happiness. I am erotically besotted with both Azazel and Egan. Finishing the trilogy felt like walking away from someone I really loved. I felt incredibly lonely.

There's also an edge of worry. I've had readers enthuse over many of my books, but not to this extent, and not over a series. I've never had people saying they are desperate to find out how it all ends! My readers have invested in the characters too; they want a happy ending, they want emotional payback, they want satisfaction. They've followed my characters for three books and for the first time I feel like I am writing for someone other than myself.

Can I give them what they want? Have I done a good enough job? There's pressure!

At least I've got a few weeks grace now, as I get to go back in and fix everything, and make it even better.

Fingers crossed...

Synonym

Or at my age, one you can't quite remember.

Please still be magic!

This week I risked my entire writing career and had my shower enclosure torn out and a new one installed. Then I had to repaint the bathroom of course...

Why's it a risk? Well, if you're a writer one of the questions you get asked most frequently is, "What do you do to get over writers' block?" And the answer for me is, "I take a long shower."

I had a magic shower, you see. Every time I got stuck on the logistics of a scene, the choreography of some sexual gymnastics, or the flow of a piece of dialogue, I could be sure that all I needed to do was stand under the water for long enough and it would all sort itself out in my head, like a miracle.

Will the magic work with the new shower? I don't know yet!

I have high hopes of the inspirational laminate backing board though (no more tiles and grout for me, suckas!). It's blue with a white marble effect, but as I told Mr Ashbless, "It just looks like there's been a gigantic cum-fight."
 

And now nobody can unsee that 😈😈 😈