Awesome! (and FREE!)

So awesome it makes your clothes fall off!

Two fab opportunities here for lovers of FREE smut (and if that doesn't include you, why are you reading this blog, hey?).

The Erotica Readers and Writers Association, a venerable (1996!!) and frankly essential institution, have inaugurated an AWESOME AUTHORS gallery and I have my very own page (as do, so far, Alison Tyler, Giselle Renarde, KD Grace,and Lisabet Sarai). What does this mean? Well, there's a complete short story up there from each of us for you to read, and we were asked to choose four books to recommend for those who want more. I picked for my showcase The Servant Question - It's steampunk, and one of my few comedic erotic stories. I had such a blast reading this one out live at Sh! that it has become one of my very fave short tales :-)

Thank you for so much for the invitation, ERWA!

---

The other fabuloso present of smut available to all the world is the e-anthology Beyond 50: an erotic sampler, which contains fifty BDSM stories or excerpts by fifty different authors and is edited by the wonderful DL King:

My contribution is a super-slutty excerpt from Named and Shamed

If you read Fifty Shades of Grey and loved it ... well frankly, you are probably going to faint if you read this collection. But for those not so easily frightened ... ;-)

Download at All Romance : Amazon US : Amazon UK 
 FREE FOREVER!!

Jellyfish fiddling

I'm so pathetically excited about this - my new jellyfish tank!

No, they're not real jellyfish - that would be way too expensive, and besides, living jellies only last 6 months even if you don't go on holiday and fail to feed them and then lie awake at night for the rest of your life thinking about their little invertebrate cries of anguish.

So I bought a tank of fake plastic jellyfish, which is basically the 21st Century equivalent of a lava lamp. The only disadvantage with these fakes is that you have to massage them intimately every day to get rid of the air bubbles.

There are worse hobbies.

* * *

If you're a geeky technophile who likes pretty things, I do hope you've come across Steamgirl - here's her gallery website and here's her tumblr.

And if you like steampunk, you may be pleased to know that Carnal Machines: steampunk erotica (edited by D L King) is NOW AVAILABLE AS AN AUDIO DOWNLOAD from Audible (I typed that loudly, did you notice?). The stories are split between a male and a female reader, and my very silly and filthy story The Servant Question is read by Basil Longfellow.

Would I make that up?

DL King and Friends: public reading!

US editor D. L. King is over in Britain this month, and (assuming she didn't get swept out to sea at the  Blackpool reading last night) will be battling through rain and wind to head up a public reading in London next week:

28th November, 6.30 for 7pm start, 

at 

Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium, 57 Hoxton Square, London, N1 6PB 

She's gathered some of the authors from her anthologies.  The lineup is:

Jacqueline Applebee (reading from Where the Girls Are)

Janine Ashbless (reading from Carnal Machines)
Jacqueline Brocker (reading from Under Her Thumb)
Ciara Finn (reading from The Sweetest Kiss)
K. D. Grace (reading from Voyeur Eyes Only)
Remittance Girl (reading from The Sweetest Kiss)
NJ Streitberger (reading from Seductress)

You can read an excerpt from my steampunk story The Servant Question (which is, unusually for me, both filthy and extremely silly humorous) here.

Everyone welcome (guys, bring a gal-pal) - full details here but please book places ahead because although the Hoxton shop is a LOT bigger than  the Portobello one, space is still limited :-)

There's a small charge but there will be CUPCAKES  and CHAMPAGNE too! And we will sign stuff and chat and look flustered the way writers do when caught out in public. All in the setting of London's most fabulously female-friendly erotic shop.

Buy Carnal Machines at Amazon US : Amazon UK

Eyecandy Monday - Hustler steampunk special

[click on any pic to enlarge]

I'm in Hustler! Okay ... so not entirely true, but Carnal Machines (edited by D L King, includes my story The Servant Question) has been awarded the Hustler Seal of Approval, which is nearly as funny. So in honour of this glorious (if unlikely) occasion I thought I'd post my favourite steampunk cosplay eyecandy.

For Science and The British Empire!

Hmm ... Disproportionate number of redheads there. Could be a thesis in that.

Buy Carnal Machines at Amazon US : Amazon UK  - also available as Kindle editions

"It is just so ... perverse"

That's what Fangs, Wands and Fairy Dust said about my story, Forsaking all Others, in With This Ring. In fact this is the quote:

I enjoyed most stories—here are a few standouts: Janine Ashbless' 'Foresaking All Others' struck a nerve, it is just so, and I mean this in the best way, perverse.

Heheheheheheheheh. Isn't that just fabulous?
:-D

Other things in my life are, if not perverse, certainly bizarre. I mean, I'm braced for a certain number of odd e-mails from strangers, in my line of work. But the other week I was contacted by a professor from an Australian university - he'd found my picture of Galli's glass uterus on my blog, and he wanted permission to use it in his research paper on Simulators in Medical Education. (I said Yes, of course.)

So - I have, in a small way, made medical history ;-)

---

Other pervy news, in brief(s) ...

I've (almost certainly) found a publisher for my downright filthy vampire novel Red Grow the Roses! Yayyyyyyy!!! I will tell more when it's no longer classified as Top Secret!

Steampunk antho Carnal Machines (including my story, The Servant Question) has been garnering praise from, among others, Eden Fantasys, Kisses and Kinks, Erotica Revealed, Getting Naughty Between the Stacks, Night Owl Reviews, and Erotica For All.  It seems to be a book that makes people very happy!


And last but certainly not least, Oh No -

My erotic romance e-novel The King's Viper is out THIS WEEK. Did you hear that? ON FRIDAY 19th AUGUST!!

Squeeeeeeeee!

Is that a gun in your hand or ...?

Carnal Machines: steampunk erotica is out now in the UK - which is a good excuse for linking to Lady Clankington's Cabinet of Carnal Curiosities, the website featuring the model above and her lovely little steampunk sex-toy.

The Sideshow says, regarding Carnal Machines:
"The entire collection is good, but I’d like to call out a few stories which I felt were exceptionally, ahem, stimulating. The Servant Question, by Janine Ashbless, recounts the story of a bored housewife and a man who tinkers with machines as well as his clients. Even though the ending is no surprise, it is still a pleasure to read."
 

Now, I'm going to be away for a few days - Mr Ashbless is working in Italy so I'm going to allow his nice IT company to send me out there and keep him company. In the meantime, please do amuse yourselves perusing this vibrator collection for discerning gentlewomen :-)

Carnal Machines: flash slash

Wheeee! - it's my turn on the Carnal Machines blogtour, now that Blogger is finally working again. I've already posted an excerpt from The Servant Question, my contribution to this delicious steampunk anthology. So instead today I thought I'd write you my very first piece of slash fiction.

It's nice and short, so read it before the lawyers get me.

---

Just a Spoonful

The extraordinary apparatus looks a little like a see-saw, inasmuch as there are two people sitting astride it facing each other, although the parts are more complex and the brasswork emits a regular and rather charming poot of steam as it labours.  Mrs Banks is possessed of bounteous charms. Mr Banks would normally be described as having a dignified aspect, but both are currently naked and there is nothing dignified about his predicament.  In addition they both have their wrists bound behind them, and they are tethered together not simply by the matrimonial knot but by a pair of slender brass rods, terminating in toothed jaws at either end, that grip their nipples cruelly. They can neither pull away nor close upon the other without causing great pain.

The young woman standing over them is slim and, unlike her prisoners, primly dressed. Not a bead of sweat mars her brow despite her current exertions: she is practically perfect in every way.
 
‘You, madam,’ she says, raising the thin switch in her right hand once more, ‘are a disgrace. You reach out for political responsibility, yet take none in the realm of your own power. You are invisible, ineffective, unfocused. You are barely a presence at all.’ The cane slashes down across the swell of Mrs Banks’ bottom, not for the first time, and she shrieks and jerks forward. The brass rods stab her husband. Then the diabolical nature of the mechanism upon which they are mounted becomes truly apparent:  there is a phallus of stiff leather impaled between Mr Banks’ buttocks, and when his wife slides upon her saddle the motion is transferred by hidden and cunning means to that device, causing it to plunge in and out. He roars.
 
‘And you, sir,’ the young woman says calmly, ‘are worse. Mrs Banks is guilty of a benign neglect. You, on the other hands, are a martinet. A petty tyrant who undermines every good impulse and offers encouragement  to no one.’ The whip lashes out again, upon masculine buttocks this time.  When Mr Banks cries out and plunges, the glistening phallus that juts up from the apparatus into his wife’s spread sex spears her repeatedly, causing her to wail.
 
‘I have never,’ their tormenter continues in glacial tones, ‘in all of my years as a nanny, had cause to use the cane upon a child. It is their parents who need discipline. It is you, Mr and Mrs Banks, who need my firm correcting hand to realize the errors of your ways.’ She strikes out with the cool regular beat of a metronome, right and left, him and her, until they are squealing and shaking and wailing. ‘How long will it take you to realize the error of your selfish ways?’
 
‘Please, Nanny-!’
 
All the time, the two small wheels that jut from the body of the apparatus spin with a purring sound so faint it can hardly be heard above the dramatic hubbub. Both are composed of many small tongues of leather, and it is clear that they turn through a bath of fine golden oil. One laps incessantly at the pink bead between Mrs Banks’ open thighs; the other slathers the underside of Mr Banks’ tumescent member.
 
'You must learn,’ says the nanny, not even short of breath despite her continued calisthenics, ‘that everything you do causes others pain or pleasure. You are all connected. All responsible for one another. Do you understand this?’
 
The unbearable stimulation of her intimate pearl, the rigorous thrusting into her undercarriage and  - yes – perhaps even the sharp pain slashing across her generous behind, are too much for Winifred Banks.  Her screams no longer protesting but avid and wild, she comes to her sexual crisis. Her shudders, magnified by the machinery, ram home into George Banks’ impaled back passage and within seconds he erupts too, his emission jetting out with such force that it sprays his wife’s white belly and wobbling breasts.
 
‘Have you learned your lesson?’ asks the young woman, staying her hand. 'Will you be better parents from now on?'
 
‘Yes, Mary Poppins,’ sobs Mr Banks. ‘Oh yes.’
 
‘Excellent.’ She smiles, tightly. ‘Just as I always say:  a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.’

---

And you can catch up on the whole blogtour on the sites below, for excerpts, steampunk chat and story insight:

May 1  D. L. King

May 2  Teresa Noelle Roberts 

May 3  Kathleen Bradean

May 4  Jay Lawrence 

May 5  Kannan Feng 

May 6  Essemoh Teepee

May 7  Elizabeth Schechter 

May 8  Delilah Devlin
May 9 Tracey Shellito

May 10 Renee Michaels

May 11 Elias St. James (on D L King's blog)

May 12 Lisabet Sarai 

May 13 Janine Ashbless 
May 14  Poe Von Page

Buy at Amazon US : Pre-order at Amazon UK (out on 26th May)

Eyecandy Monday

Damn, it's hard being a writer. There you are settling down for a hard day's pounding on the keyboards, and all these distractions come along...

---

And while I've got your attention, let me tell you about the Carnal Machines blog tour, which started yesterday over on editor D L King's blog :-)
Vintage-style naughtiness is promised!

May 1  D. L. King

May 2  Teresa Noelle Roberts 

May 3  Kathleen Bradean

May 4  Jay Lawrence 

May 5  Kannan Feng 

May 6  Essemoh Teepee

May 7  Elizabeth Schechter 

May 8  Delilah Devlin
May 9 Tracey Shellito

May 10 Renee Michaels

May 11 Elias St. James (on D L King's blog)

May 12 Lisabet Sarai 

May 13 Janine Ashbless 
May 14  Poe Von Page

Original sin

In honour of the publication of Carnal Machines: steampunk erotica this month, which includes my lighthearted Victorian tale of lewd behaviour and class transgressions, The Servant Question, I thought I'd post some Victorian and Edwardian smutty pictures.

Photographic porn was, of course, invented approximately 30 seconds after photography itself, when someone thought "Goodness, I can take pictures of boobies! And goodness me - I can sell them!!"

Of course, there was no porn aesthetic in the early days. No blondes. No plastic tits. No razors (I went "Aaargh!"). And no particular requirement for models to be facially attractive.

But there was already kink:

And there was guy-on-guy:

And girl-on-girl ...

There are more pictures here and here - be aware, very NSFW.
And a wonderful comedy site with silly captions here.

Carnal Machines - out now!

"I say, Caruthers! Have you heard? That new anthology of unexpurgated and positively shocking fictive adventures, Carnal Machines, is available from the Amazon Emporium as of now. Just ask the man behind the counter for "something for the weekend," and he'll sell you a copy wrapped in plain brown paper. I warn you, it'll make your moustache curl, old bean. And whatever you do - don't let the servants see it!"

From the Carnal Machines: steampunk erotica blurb:

The Victorians wrote some of the best and most enduring erotica. For such a tightly-laced age, people spent a lot of time thinking about things carnal. The rich and slightly decadent visuals of the steam age lend themselves perfectly to the new carnality of post-punk era. And, of course, what is repressed will be even more exciting once the corset is unlaced. Steampunk, even without sex, is erotic; with sex, it’s over-the-top hot.

There are brothels, flying machines, steam-powered conveyances, manor houses, spiritualist societies. The following stories afford intelligently written, beautifully crafted glimpses into other worlds, where the Carnal Machines won’t fail to seduce you, get you wet or make you hard, so lie back, relax; a happy ending is guaranteed.

Steampunk - I love it! And my own contribution to this collection, The Servant Question, is a jolly romp in which the puzzle of how to find reliable, hardworking domestics who fulfill all your individual requirements is solved, in an ingenious manner suited to the age of invention:

---

Thus, every time he added a new routine to Eliza’s repertoire, he felt again the pride that Michelangelo must have felt at his labours upon the Sistine chapel: the pride of the true artist who brings something unique and incomparable to a discerning and exalted employer. Eliza seemed more beautifully wrought each time he visited, both more lifelike and more inhumanly perfect. Perhaps this was because her new owner had had her dressed in a fine uniform, complete with all the layers of undergarments so necessary to the soft feminine form – and so unnecessary in Eliza’s case. To open the panel at her back involved Mr. Tulliver partially undressing her: undoing a myriad buttons and loosening the tight stays and delving beneath the layers of lavender-scented frillies. The mannequin was so lifelike in form that this actually brought a blush to his cheek, as if he really were undressing a servant girl in front of her mistress. He was always sure to close the curtains before starting, in case some passer-by should glimpse the operation and misunderstand.

“Mr. Tulliver, I do believe you are becoming an expert on the mysteries of the female undergarment,” Mrs. Petherton teased him gently from the sofa, as he pulled out the crossed laces of the Housemaid’s corset and wriggled the boned garment down to her porcelain hips.
 
In the glass over the mantle, Eliza’s perfectly formed lips seemed to smile at him. Her ceramic breasts were pert and unyielding under her chemise. 

“I assure you, madam,” he answered jocularly, feeling the heat rise behind his tight collar, “that after the complexities of such apparel, the mere workings of a thousand interlocking clockwork cogs is as nothing.”   
 
In point of fact Mrs. Petherton’s requirements of Eliza were exacting and particular, and the new maid had to be implanted with the precise techniques for several new chores. The beating of carpets, for example, seemed to be a task not to be undertaken with brute force but with measured blows and a particular upward flick of the wrist that Mrs. Petherton insisted was superior for driving out dust; not having personal experience of domestic chores, Mr. Tulliver could only assume that this was derived from the store of feminine wisdom. The polishing of champagne flutes (two fingers inside, and a twisting motion of the wrist) caused him some small trouble with the minute adjustments to Eliza’s mechanism, but Mrs. Petherton pronounced herself very pleased with the results. Then there was the occasion he was summoned to improve the housemaid’s technique with the dolly-tub. Mr. Tulliver considered that anything that took the backbreaking work of pounding laundry out of human hands must be an improvement, but apparently that too had its particular techniques that he had not foreseen. To optimise efficiency, according to Mrs. Petherton, Eliza must employ a back and forth motion of the hips whilst working the dolly-stick.

---

Carnal Machines, edited by D L King, is available NOW from Cleis Press and Amazon US,  and may be pre-ordered from Amazon UK (out May)

"God save the Queen and Empire!"

Eyecandy Monday - and Cleis Press special offer!

Have you noticed how many books Cleis Press have been announcing lately? They've upped their production to 48 titles for 2011. More books! More lovely dirty stories!

To celebrate this they've announced a 20% discount on all books bought through their Cleis website and Viva Editions (non-smut). Click here for details - you need to enter a code when ordering. This offer is good through 31st December, which means you can buy pressies for friends - or spend your Xmas money from Auntie Edna in a way she would not approve of, heh heh.

Buying direct from the publisher, btw, means a lot more money going to them than if you buy through, say, Amazon instead. And more money for Cleis means more erotica anthologies in future for me to sub to!
:-)

And just in case you are some sort of wealthy Ashbless completist, my stories appear in the following Cleis collections:

"I" is for Indecent
Playing With Fire: taboo erotica
Frenzy: 60 stories of sudden sex
Best Women's Erotica 2009
Sweet Love: erotic fantasies for couples
Fairy Tale Lust
Best Women's Erotica 2011
Best Bondage Erotica 2011
Carnal Machines: steampunk erotica  (pre-order only)

Eyecandy Monday

Carpetbeater ... no, never tried one of those ... I imagine it would be loud.

Anyway, this instructional scene of domestic hygiene [REDACTED] is to celebrate the announcement of the lineup of forthcoming anthology Carnal Machines: steampunk erotica, edited by D.L.King and out from Cleis in May next year. My story, The Servant Question, is not in fact BDSM themed - but is about the trials of finding and managing one's household servants. It is a bit of a romp. And there is a carpetbeater in it...
:-)

I'm so happy to be in this collection! It has the most beautiful cover!

 
(I think steampunk is just the sexiest visual style ever. And the guys get to look as crazy as the girls.) 

The full line-up goes:

Human Powered by Teresa Noelle Roberts

The Servant Question by Janine Ashbless

Slight of Hand by Renee Michaels

Mutiny on the Danika Blue by Poe Von Page

Deviant Devices by Kannan Feng

The Perfect Girl by Jay Lawrence

Dr. Mullaley's Cure by Delilah Devlin

Her Own Devices by Lisabet Sarai

Lair of the Red Countess by Kathleen Bradean

Infernal Machine by Elias A. St. James

Doctor Watson Makes a House Call by Essemoh Teepee

The Treatment by D. L. King

Lucifer Einstein and the Curious Case of the Carnal Contraption by Tracey Shellito

The Succubus by Elizabeth Schechter

Pre-order from Amazon US : Pre-order from Amazon UK

And check this steampunk cutey out!

Sale - Good Doggy

You know: I could just eat those...
Where was I? Oh yes! My petplay short story Good Doggy made it through several rounds of selection and has been chosen for inclusion in Nice Girls, Naughty Sex: 20 erotic tales, to be published in 2011 by Seal Press. Yipee! Break out the choccies!

Nice Girls, Naughty Sex is edited by Jordan LaRousse and Samantha Sade of the Oysters and Chocolate website, and is the follow-up print anthology to their eponymous collection.

Which also means that there is now a brand new story, The Servant Question, up for you to read on my website -  find it from the left-hand sidebar on the main page. I'm not exactly known for writing erotic comedy so take a look at The Servant Question, a steampunk story in which I come over all Jeremy Edwards and can't stop giggling...