Wood acid

Until we bought our wood I had no idea that rural life is one long low-level battle against the forces of crime and anarchy. Country people are dodgy as f*ck, frankly. There's the fly-tipping, of course - I was expecting that:

But not just by individuals, oh no. The bloody public services are just as happy to leave their old crap in my wood:

In fact some bugger decided to trench through my land and lay a utility pipe without asking permission:

I'm constantly worried that I have badger diggers - though it's possible this poor chap died of natural causes;  certainly the sett still seems to be active.

And this week I found a seriously suspicious-looking CONTAINER OF HYDROCHLORIC ACID left inside my gate.

I reported it to the police, because acid-attacks are a Thing now in the UK. They called in the fire brigade to dispose of it, but it's too hazardous so the fire brigade aren't allowed to (and nor am I) so they've called the local council.

Guess who gets to foot the bill?