Chelsea Flower Show

I got lucky last week - a friend managed to get hold of some free guest tickets to the Chelsea Flower Show, and I was invited along :-)  Chelsea is the biggest, most prestigious annual flower show in Britain, held in a very upmarket bit of London, so I thought I'd give you an idea of what it's like.

Treebeard says, "Hrooom, don't be hasty... especially in the queue for coffee."

First of all, it's CROWDED. Really, really crowded - you pretty much have to punch some pensioner cold to get a seat when you want to eat your insanely overpriced sandwich - and everyone's trying to see the show gardens featured on the TV coverage. Some of those are really nice and you want to take them home and have a barbeque in them...

The SeeAbility Garden

Some are awesomely modernist ....

The RBC Blue Water Roof Garden

Some  are beautifully traditional....

An Alcove (Tokonoma) Garden

And some are really cool but don't look a whole lot like gardens...

The Sound of Silence Garden

There's a WALL of people around each of the gold-medal winning gardens, and you have to shuffle in slowly, take a pic and run. To be honest, you are better off watching the telly. You will certainly see more.

I prefer the plant displays inside the giant marquee, actually. Easier to see, and just as impressive:

This temple display from the Thai government, I believe

Elite-level flower-arranging

I think this is part of the Jamaican tourist board display

But the most photogenic stuff is the mad-ass garden sculptures on sale. From the sublime to the ridiculous, via all points in between:

Slate art. Love it.

Okay, the neighbours might start to look at you a bit askance...

£20,000 for something that'll be compost in a couple of years?

Nicely understated, I feel!

Because what every garden needs is a Dementor.

And finally, conclusive proof that shitloads of money cannot buy you good taste:

This is about 10ft across and comes on a 20ft plinth. Your neighbours will hate you forever.

I bought something at Chelsea! I did!
Here it is:

But I really wanted a Fat Naked Woman on a Dinosaur