Friday, 2 October 2009

This is not just cellulite...



Okay, I've come to the conclusion that nowhere on earth do you look uglier than in a Marks & Spencer's changing room. It's like the opposite of beer goggles. At home, see, if I look at my body in the mirror I  generally think: "Well ... Okay, considering."  In a M&S changing room, in front of all those multi-angled mirrors  - I look like Lardzilla. My gut hangs like a wet sack, my grey thighs bulge like sausages full of badly-minced dead pig, and I can see every individual cellulite cell. How do they do this? Do they use special Evil Lighting? And if so - WHY?





(Having said that, I will grudgingly forgive them. They have invented the Control Thong, which is - wait for it - a full elasticated panel at the front to hold in said sack-like tum, and a thong at the back so your bum still sticks out and wobbles. Genius! And in my case perfect for Victorian dress-up.)
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8 comments:

  1. Sekrit Shoppa2 October 2009 at 12:53

    At least M&S changing rooms aren't *shudder* communal. Victorian dress-up sounds divine.

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  2. Janine Ashbless2 October 2009 at 13:03

    I'm a bit nervous: It's not the sort of event I have ever been to before. May report further if it goes well!

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  3. Sekrit Shoppa2 October 2009 at 19:54

    Oh, you HAVE to - I am intrigued now!

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  4. Vincent Copsey2 October 2009 at 21:47

    I love Victorian dress up. Just remember not to sit down, or try to eat too much, or bend.

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  5. Craig Sorensen3 October 2009 at 09:45

    Have you noticed how penile the archway behind the Victorian ladies, at the right of the photo looks?

    I'm just saying...

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  6. Janine Ashbless3 October 2009 at 12:42

    Uuuh ... got home 6.30am. Woke up this afternoon encrusted with something yucky ... Mascara, in fact. Sets like glue, this stuff.

    Badly need coffee...

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  7. neve black4 October 2009 at 17:20

    *laughing* @ Madelynne's comment - "...I love Victorian dress up. Just remember not to sit down, or try to eat too much, or bend...."


    or it appears, breath!

    Janine, you're adorable. Maybe a boycott of M&S until they rearrange the name and it's called S&M? :-)

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  8. Janine Ashbless4 October 2009 at 20:16

    Um ... Some of us at the BL party actually heard an erotica writer claim there was a "lot of M&S" in her book. We weren't sure if she'd just made a verbal slip-up or if all her characters were wearing really nice sensible clothes...
    ;-)

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